someplace wonderful.

I take you back to the stars.

2011-09-26T13:56:00.002+08:00

"We are masters of the unsaid words,but slaves of those we let slip out."

I missed updating this blog. I miss the serenity this blog brings me,

every little time I punched on the keyboards of my laptop. Brings me comfort each time.

This blog has also watched me grown. Sadly,I have overgrown it. Forgive me,blogspot.

Not in my means to neglect you over anything. Life,is what happened.

I sometimes don't have the time to myself,even such little quality time.

But here I am right now,in the amenity of my little room. Why hello September.

It has been ages since I last rejuvenated this dusty blog of mine. I'll never delete this blog.

The memorabilia of me & you,is etched in my heart & in this how many years blog of mine.

Each time I felt that I had to reminisced,I'll be here. Re-reading all my entries & reliving,

as if you're just right there with me still. Truth is,I miss you. I miss you a whole lot.

"I’ve learned that it isn’t enough to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes you just have to learn how to forgive yourself. "

If ever you happened to pass by here, This blog,it stayed for you. It's still here.

But I must be delusional. You'll never be here. Not even once will you read any of this.

I just want to tell you,"I am sorry. For everything. And that I still love you."

Always have,always will.

"I’ve learned that backgrounds and circumstances might have influenced who you are,

but we are responsible for the people we become."

blogging from the comfort of my workplace.

2011-07-04T17:02:00.002+08:00

"Whenever you feel like all the burdens are on your shoulder,
remember one thing: you are not alone, you're not the only one."

Hello you sweet little things. I'm currently blogging from the comfort of my workplace.
When there's nothing to do,so little things & i just had to blog. i miss ranting & raving.
Here I am again. Another new month to look forward to before Ramadhan. Insyallah.
It's already the 4th of July. I'm always bowl over how fast time flies.
Too fast to my liking,indeed. But it's something we have no control over now,do we?

But all we can do, is make the best out of it & make sure we don't miss on opportunities.
Somehow,I already feel that I have abandoned a lot of things. Too much.
But alhamdullilah,Ramadhan is coming & I'm thankful for the holy month.
I love Ramadhan. It comes only one time per year & goes,without we realizing.
Indeed.

"No matter how good or bad you think life is,
wake up each day & be thankful for life.
Someone somewhere else is fighting to survive."

How am I doing? Now,that's an understatement. I am still,frankly speaking,struggling.
But am doing my best. I'm trying to take it as the way it is & hopefully,i'll pull through.
It's tough. This blog says it all. But everything happens for a reason,I know it does.
I just have to wait for God to show me the right way & insyallah,I will see the signs.
As stubborn as I am,I don't see the signs. Although,I think I knew I did. I still...
Why is it so hard? I wonder,sometimes.

Knocking off from work in exactly a few minutes time. Yiippee dooo! Monday's done.
I have manage to live through Monday, with a few hiccups. Alhamdullilah. :)
Let's hoping that tomorrow would be a better day. Insyallah yeah?
Till then. Xoxo.

"God knows your feelings.
It's just that you have to open your mouth and heart,
when you wanted Him to listen."

born this way.

2011-05-02T18:17:00.002+08:00

“Every relationship is a journey. And no journey is safe.

The best you can do is find a companion you care to make the trip with.”

hello,dearest blogspot. how have you been doing? well,i suppose? don't think so.

i apologized that i haven't been able to update you for the longest time,eh?

to think, you may think that i'm neglecting you now that i have much responsibilities? NO.

i just can't seem to time into updating you,even if it's just for a bit. i'm lost,somehow.

hope that i'm not too melancholic to be updating now and then,aye. '

how's life has been for all of you? for me,it's stagnant. i don't know what i've been doing.

i thought i can do this on my own but something deep inside of me is bursting. soon.

this blog brings a lot of memories. too much till i can't breathe. but i can't seem to let go.

closing down this blog means that i'm erasing all those memories of you and me.

i'm not willing to do that,just yet. maybe when i'm ready. or maybe,never at all.

“You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales,

that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress,

prince charming who will carry you away to a castle on a hill.

You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes,

and you had complete and utter faith.

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, prince charming;

they were so close you could taste them but eventually you grow up.

One day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.

Most people turn to the things and people they can trust.

But the thing it it`s hard to let go of that fairy take entirely,

because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith,

that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.”

fairytale do happened,don't they? look at Kate & Prince William. they're married,after all.

and she was just a commoner,and him,a prince. look at where they are now.

married. and soon,possibly,with kids and it's a complete family. awwww. :)

seeing the royal wedding bring tears to my eyes. knowing that i won't have the fairytale.

that i won't get married & have beautiful kids. i really,really wish for that. :(
sigh. all hope is lost.

i hate justin bieber truly but i liked one of his songs! oh dear god,what has the world turn into?

"That should be me." is playing on repeat. forgive me god,for i have sinned with Bieber.

i need to go for a facial soon. or i risk looking with scars. i miss my old flawless face.

blame on the product that i used two months back that led to my face like this. :(

i have really,really sensitive skin. i can't use anything at all. not anything.

okay. i'll update soon when i have the time,lovelies. xoxo;

“Those who have hurt you in the past,

can not continue to hurt you now unless you hold on to the pain through resentment.

Past is past! Nothing will change it. You are only hurting yourself with your bitterness.

For your own sake, learn from it, and then let it go.”

December rain.

2010-12-26T19:22:00.002+08:00

“The best part about being in-love is when you just love a person & you are happy about it.

Even if that person can never be yours, even if you know it can’t last forever.

That’s the true essence of love –

It’s not about winning someone & it’s not about owning a relationship.

It’s about being happy because you know you’ve loved someone,

& it’s about being guiltless because you know,

that you didn’t take away someone from anybody.

You just loved, and loved unselfishly.”

it's been a long,long time since I last blogged here. i really neglected my blogpsot.

i miss ranting and raving about my everyday life,my sad pathetic neurotic life. heh.

sigh. there's so much i want to let out,so much kept feelings. it's really eating me up.

i need my happy pills,i need my friends,i need my crazy cliques. sigh. le sigh.

on a side note,have you people tried samurai burger from macdonalds?! my god!

it's so fucking orgasmic...... i should know!!! that explains,my weight gain. SIGH.

just after i have lost so much weight,i have to gain it back all over again. wasted effort. :(

well, i have to really stop eating and maintain the weight that i've achieved before this.

i need to! i have to discipline myself!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR!

“Maybe true love is a decision.

You know, a decision to take a chance with somebody.

To give to somebody. Without worrying wether theyll give anything back.

Or if they’re gonna hurt you, or if they really are the one.

Maybe love isnt something that happens to you.

Maybe its something you have to choose.”

there's so much about my life i would like to rave on about but parts of it,only.

nobody tell the whole world their life story for them to read and judge. no, no sane human.

and that's what you get, a broken,demented & damaged girl. like myself now.

i don't know where i'm heading. it's going to be 2011 soon. goodbye,2010.

dear 2010,you have been one hell of a roller coaster ride. i hope to leave you with peace.

and hoping that 2011 will be a better and more happier one. insyallah.

there's so much in 2010 i would like to change,so much i want to alter. but that's life.

what's past is past,you can do nothing about it. you just have to go with it.

and just hope that you'll learn from it & never repeat it. time flies,huh? how fast it goes.

with just a blink of an eye,we are welcoming 2011. it just seemed like yesterday it was 2010.

see how time past by you in a glimpse of an eye & then you can never get it back?

that's how it goes. I miss my ~52. :(

“There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving,

no matter how hard they try.

I wouldn’t expect you to understand that or even believe it,

but trust me, there are some loves that don’t go away.

And maybe that makes them crazy,

but we all should be lucky enough,

to end up with somebody who has a little of that insanity,

someone who never lets go, someone who cherishes you forever.”

Love the way you are.

2010-08-14T13:41:00.002+08:00

"Give people chances.

And if they mess up, just remember,

that everyone makes mistakes and nobody’s perfect.

Think to yourself that this might be your last day to take a chance and live."

It's been a long time since I dropped by here and here I am,again. For the record.

Well,it's the fasting month. Ramadhan is here again,alhamdullilah. The holy month.

it's the month where i felt blessed and that the month that i can atone to all my sins.

not that you can't atone to all your sins for the any other month,is the month,

where you feel closer to HIM. where with your heart and soul,you pray to HIM.

It's the 4th day of Ramadhan and alhamdullilah,so far,it has been good. I have been fasting.

I haven't had the chance to terawih just yet,though. But maybe today or Monday. Insyallah.

I don't have the strength to brace through the crowds at Geylang this year,it seems.
well,i don't know. we'll see how it goes. maybe not or maybe yeah. who knows right?

i want the Ramadhan for the whole year,if only it will. But sadly,it's only for a month.

so we'll just have to embrace this holy month before it goes past by fast.

"Love is such a strong word.

When we were just little kids,

we always thought that love was about hugs, kisses and happiness.

But as we grow older,

we’ve also come to realise that love isn’t just about happiness;

it’s also about rejections,

tears and riding through the pain the each heartache brings."

it's the time of the month again. 14th. Happy 49th,dearest you.

for all the times you stood by me,thank you. i owe you that,with all my love.

i know at some point times of our relationship,we may encounter the hurdles of it.

but coming to 4 years of being with you,i learnt. i grew stronger and wiser and deemed,

to not repeat the mistakes. i know that i just want to be with you for all my life.

i love you,very much.

"Don’t waste time lingering over all that you could have,

should have and would have done.

Don’t spend your days thinking of how much better you could do;

don’t long for something that has been and always will be out of your reach.

Just live the days as they come.

Wake up every morning and smile at the wonderful day that awaits.

And when opportunity comes knocking on your door, don’t ignore it.

Don’t run away. Pull yourself together, and open the door. Let love in."

stay.

2010-06-28T22:34:00.031+08:00

i've made a lot of mistakes,

but the worst one was thinking that the person,

who hurt me the most would never hurt me again.

So,well. I've decided to update again! So wow wee! woooo. I think I'm in the mood.

well. i haven't been updating using capital letters,only small letters and such throughout.

i think it depends on my mood and usually,it's my lazy lazy mood. so,here i am. heh.

to talk about my trip all around malaysia! one word,AWESOME! It was so loved! :D

well,for now,i am doing exceptionally alright,to say the least. at least i'm fine.. for the time being.

still jobless,that is the downside of having the life right now. but that would soon change.

i can not forever be jobless and plus,puasa is coming soon. and so is HARI RAYA! -_-

there aren't very many people in this world who can give you butterflies;

so when you find someone who can never let them go.

so... pictures. well,some of them. the rest are in facebook! feast your eyes. :)

i totally fell in love with the sunsets,sunrises and the stars at night! It was totally extraordinary!

i experienced the whole sky filed with stars,it's like you can't turn off the light!!!

i was so happy and elated and i slept with a big wide smile etched on my face. i was truly blissed.

i love nature and i love god's nature to all of us.. even the creatures.. speaking of which.. heh.

i dived. i snorkeled. it was truly amazing! THE SHARKS! THE STING RAYS! THE TURTLES!

it was the most astounding thing i have ever seen in my whole entire 21 years of living!!

i was flabbergasted! i cried while in the waters?! can you believe that?! it's one of my passion!

i want to be a marine biologist and save animals and to be somewhere near animals... heh.

something,i can never want to do more than anything else. i would love to do that. i love it.

I think the best time to say that you already found the right one,

is when you stop looking for more.

the next holiday,would hopefully to USA,in December if time and money permits that is.

my cousin's getting married and it's winter and hopefully,SNOW! SNOW! MY DREAM! :D

but,i don't know. i need to save up for the flights and well,the flight mostly! hahahaha.

it's not impossible and i will want to reach USA! I DON'T FREAKING CARE THE MONEY!

i have,exactly,4 and a half months to save for the trip... GO ME! xoxo.

The confusion and the fear.

That's there to remind you that somewhere out there is something better,

and that something is worth fighting for.

When we say;

2010-06-09T13:28:00.003+08:00

In your whole life, nobody has ever abused you more than

you have abused yourself,

and the limit of your self-abuse is exactly the limit of abuse

that you will tolerate from someone else.

It's been a long time since I last updated here,eh? I guess it should be given a time..

I miss ranting and raving to my readers but it seemed that no one bothers anymore! Haaa!

oh wells. but other than that,life has been good and it's left with three more days to getaway!!

yes,a one week getaway before I totally get my life back on track. 1 week of bliss!! :D

right now,I'm in the comfort of my own room and I've never felt more happier.. heeeee.

little miss red has drop by for a visit & for the first time in my whole of 21 years,i'm happy!

happy that she dropped by a few days before going for a holiday! WOOOOOOOOOO. Yay!

I hate going for holiday when she dropped by. it would be not awesome & just plain frustrating!

but hooray for her that she's finally here! THANK YOU!

Imagine settling for a life you can have,

because you don't have the courage to go after the life you really want.

you have to make a decision-the kind that bends your future in a whole new direction.

I hate it when people bragged about their children having a salary with 4 fucking figures!?!!

SO FUCKING WHAT?! I DON'T FUCKING CARE OR AM JEALOUS! NOT AT ALL!

I am still up for my dream,doing something I really love even if it doesn't pays well....

It's not impossible! Nothing is!! I'll keep dreaming.. and when i get there.... ARGHHHH!

FUCK YOU. REALLY. FUCK YOU,THEN.

I apologize for that random yet angry post. I just needed to vent my anger,somewhere.

plus,I loathe people who bragged. I mean,so what?! the wheel always turn.. every fucking time!

and you won't be so lucky next time you meet your doom! not that i'm wishing it upon you.

but seriously.. seriously?!! COME ON. I totally don't get humans. SELF-CENTRED BITCHES!

It's never too late to realize,

what's important in your life and to fight for it.

If you remember.

2010-04-26T20:38:00.002+08:00

There's a fine line between lover and friend;

Reality and pretend;

hello and goodbye smile and cry;

what you wanted and what you got being together and not.

it's nice to know,coming back here and people tells you that they miss your entries.

truth to be told,i miss ranting out,voicing out my opinions and such. and i miss secrets..

the little secrets that i only rave at my lj where certain friends are allowed to read.

i guess,tumblr happens. and when it happened,this is what you get.. a missing me. :D

but nevertheless,i'll be back here often enough than you know. i'll keep updating,promise!

i reckon turning 21 brings me to nostalgia. since when did we get so old,eh? pffftt. time.

time is a really precious thing. one,that you can never turn back no matter how you tried.

as you can see for yourself,it's already the end of April. it's going to be the end of yet,

another month. and may's coming. before you know it,december will be here. and then,boom!

it's 2011. another new year. you get what i'm trying to convey here,yes? yes. that's right.

optimistic people are here to keep the pessimistic people from wallowing in misery.

pessimistic people are here to remind the optimistic of a little fact called reality.

i'm slowly getting my life back on track. baby steps,baby steps. it will soon be a full blast.

and i will finally be myself again! not that i'm not myself now.. but just with a little bit of life.

and it will marked,almost 5 1/2 months that i haven't been shopping! GOOD LORD!

5 whole months?! how did i survive with that?! simple. wallowing myself in self-pity.

reminding myself that i haven't got any bucks to spend & that i need to snap back to reality!

soon soon. maybe after june,my life will officially get back on track. insyallah,it will.

the trip to redang will be just what i need! yes,redang in june! CLEAR BLUE WATER!!!!!!!!

and if nothing else occurs,in december,i'll be going to USA for my cousin's wedding!! :)

PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE! LET IT HAPPEN! even if it's new hampshire,I'M HAPPY!

at least,i get to step into USA IN WINTER! WINTER!!!!! her winter wedding! awwww,bless!

kay. i have to save enough money for the flight and shopping! yayyyyy! let it happen!

everything changes for a reason, and if something wasn't meant to change,

then you'll end up fixing it, otherwise it was meant to change.

we are the world.

2010-04-07T14:15:00.002+08:00

And the worst part about having a broken heart,

is that you start handing out pieces to anyone that comes around.

I guess it's time i update this dusty blog of mine. i didn't meant to abandon you,baby.

i'm really sorry and i promise that next time,i'll be back here more often,alright? :)

i have been busy out on the other world,i didn't bother coming back to the real world. sigh.

but sometimes we all just wish we can never go back,right? we just desire to be there,forever.

that's just wishful thinking and nothing could make the real world go away except when we die.

i,for one,don't see the point of updating when my readers of mine rarely drop by now. haha!

i bet it's disgusted them that i had left this blog stagnant and not updating much now,eh?

but whatsoever it is,i'm back to update for the month of april and i'll prolly be gone,again.

i'm doing exceptionally brilliant. though,i believe,that i have had better days. better ones.

nevertheless,i shall be contented for now and not complaint so much. i should be grateful.

life changes every minute of every day. you lose friends. you gain friends.

you realize your friend wasn't ever really your friend,

and that person you used to hate can make a really good friend.

you look for love. you find love. you lose love.

you realize all long that you've been loved. you laugh. you cry.

you laugh so hard that you cry. you do this, you do that.

you really wish you hadn't done that. you then learn from that and are glad that you did.

you have your ups. you have your downs. you see good movies. you see bad movies.

you wonder if your life is just one big movie. you look at others and wish you were them.

you then realize who they are and are glad that you're you. you love life.

you hate life. in the end you just find yourself happy to be living life,

no matter what's thrown at you.

for the lack of things,i need a life. my life is circulated around tumblr and facebook. gah.

9 more days and i still am not feeling anything but sadness. what the fuck? 21st eh!!! pffftt.

my 21st is going to be a lonely,lonely and very quiet one,i suppose? great. i loveeee it. -_-

can someone just throw me a surprise birthday party,already?!! hahahaha. i wish! :p

blackberry,Nikon D90 or Canon EOS 550D is all now down the drain. no presents!

fret not.... i shall wait for the boy's belated,belated birthday present. A DSLR!! YAY!

although i'm not up to reaching my 21st birthday this coming few days,i'm thankful.

i'm thankful to be able to live another day to see the world,make a difference be it in any way.

i'm gratified that dear allah is letting me live and wake up in the morning even with setbacks,

he let me live my life to the fullest,making the best out of it. thank you,dear allah.

i know you're always there watching me,the move i make,the decisions i've done. thank you.

Did you know that the heart has no pain receptors?

So the next time someone breaks you heart, move on.

Your pain is just an illusion,

a temporary psychological disturbance that you have to overcome.

In short, it's all in the mind.

whispering willow.

2010-03-09T16:43:00.003+08:00

“I realize now that when your heart breaks,

you got to fight like hell to make sure you’re still alive.

Because you are and that pain you feel that’s life.

The confusion and fear;

that’s there to remind you that somewhere out there something is better.

That something is worth fighting for. As we strain to grasp the things we desire,

the things that we think will make our lives better,we ignore what truly matters -

the simple things. Like friendship, family and love.

Yes, loosing your hearts desire is tragic,

but gaining your hearts desire is all you can hope for. "

it's been a long time,hasn't it? my last post was february & now,it's 9th march of year '10.

time really flies and it's scary as it goes by... the disasters that we kept hearing of & such.

the latest would be the earthquake in turkey with a magnitude of 6.0. let's pray for them.

i think these things that are happening,god is giving us a sign. god is telling us something.

he can do anything,give us any disasters he wants at any point of time without warning.

the reason i've not been around here much,is because when i signed up for tumblr..

i tell ya,tumblr is bloody hell addictive and when i end up on tumblr,it's usually for hours!!

when i'm on tumblr,everything else is irrelevant! hahahahahaha. it really is. :p

but that's like an escape from the reality and sometimes,it works. only it never lasts.

try to sign up for tumblr,gain followers,follow awesome people,make friends and then,

will you get why i neglect other important things in my daily life. :D

"We all want to be loved…to be happy. So why aren’t we?

Because we’ve become experts at sabotaging our own happiness.

Feeling like victims, when in fact it’s the choices we make, the bad habits,

the vices, the inability to show love and compassion.

These are the things that tear us down. We’re not victims.

We’re assassins when it comes to love and happiness."

even though it's been reported for a hell of a weather throughout till may,i believe that,

god will certainly gives us rain and will not let us suffer for long. like right now,it's raining.

it's just god's little gifts to us,for those who remembers to be grateful to him. i reckon? :)

i have found peace,alhamdullilah. i guess it's because i neglected him too much & i forgot.

i forgot that he would always be there for his subjects,just always remember him.

come next month,*groans*,the month that i have been dreading. oh yes! 21!!! *rolls eyes*

i'm never aging,i tell you. i'm forever 19 & don't anyone dare tell me that i am an adult!!!

i have been complementing and i still haven't come up with anything until today!!!

it's a month away & i am going crazy,planning for it... since there's nowhere more to do.

well,if by last resort,i shall make it sweet and just within my budget means. :)

"This is why you should never, ever get your hopes up.

This is why you should see the glass as half empty.

So when the whole thing spills, you aren’t as devastated."

crazier.

2010-02-09T17:32:00.002+08:00

Do not be fooled by its common place appearance.

Like so many things, it is not what's outside,

but what is inside that counts.

so,i haven't been updating,much.. yeah, i know. but i have been busy with tumblr! heh.

try having tumblr and you know how much it distracts you,worse than facebook! :)

it's like,even for 5 minutes,i couldn't be left out from tumblr,it consumes me too much!!

for 5 minutes lost,i have abandoned like 50 plus posts by my amazing followers and,

the ones who i follow. i follow 392 people,btw.. that's why my dashboard too clogged!

life's been pretty much tolerable though i need to really buck up & just move on with life.

but i just couldn't face it though. i have tried and it backfires. it shows how much i'm weak.

however,i don't want to be vulnerable & show them that i can't get on with this. i shouldn't.

i must not expose that side of me,that convinced that who i really am right now. :(((

i have to be driven to out maneuver this phase i'm going through & stand tall again.

To love someone doesn't mean to force a commitment.

Sometimes you just have to be satisfied with whatever connection you have,

as long as it stays.

i want to write my deepest feelings here but too afraid to let anyone come close to me..

after all,this is my public blog.. and i have a private livejournal one where i pour it all out.

or alternatively,i have my dear diary,in an old fashioned way where i write in it,and i still,

wrote in it... pouring out my little wishes,my deepest darkest secrets where no one knows.

and i love my little black diary. i truly adored it. i kept it safe,i kept it wisely..

it's already the 9th of february.. have you ever think that life passes by so quickly?

soon,it'll be march then april then it goes on & on,till another new year comes & go again.

that's why,we must always live like we have to die tomorrow. we'll never know,won't we?

i am now,waiting for the boy to get home.. and then,i'm going for my monthly eyebrow shaping.

it's been almost 2 months & i think it's getting bit untidy... pffftt. bushy. i hate when it grows!

The best feeling in the world is realizing you're perfectly happy,

without the thing you thought you needed most.

be original.

2010-01-29T15:35:00.004+08:00

It's never too late to have a life,
and it's never too late to change one.

it's thank god it's friday like yeahhhh! hehehehe. i <3 fridays,though. sometimes.. pffftt.
firefox is being sucha bitch & i have downloaded google chrome & it's quite okay. so-so.
maybe i should start using more of the new one & stop firefox,cos it's getting slower.. -_-
but after using google chrome like for a few minutes,i reckon it's kind fast,eh? i like!
and with that,i could open as many tabs i want & with cafe world without disturbance?
oh well,we'll see about that... so far,i have been on tumblr non-stop & rebloging like a mofo!

i am going gym-ing with the boy,that if he wakes up before it gets dark & it closes. haha!
lmao. i think i'm getting fatter and i loathe it,very,very much. i NEED TO DO SOMETHING!
not whining & just saying... i have to start now or never! so,get that inside ya head,effff!
lol. the boy has been trying to push me,ever since 358459568905968 days! FML!
aniways,i have only been eating lunch.. skipped breakfast & dinners,just light meals. :p

It's often said that no matter the truth,
people see what they want to see some people might take a step back,
and find out they were looking at the same big picture all along.
Some people might see what was there all along.
And then there are those other people the ones who run as far as they can,
so they don't have to look at themselves.

gahhhh! all my friends abroad,us,europe or wherever they are... it's snowing like hell!!
pfffttt! IT NEVER SNOWS! and i want snow,snow,snow! just for once. oh,no snow city!!!
i am jealous of seeing them posting pictures of snow,their houses & the scenery.. =/
i assume,the boy is sick & tired of whining bout snow & more snow. he may just died. lol.
he,the source of where i vented out my ravings,whining,bragging and whatnot's! poor thing.

my baby boy is recovered and no longer have a fever.. yay! but,he only resumes school,
on monday and i think he's quite happy he has a "longer" weekends... lmao! hahahahaha.
after this,i shall lay down on my bed with the lappy on my tummy. heh. i love to do that! :D
just cos i'm lazy like that... or it's really damn tiring sitting down and keeping your posture!

Sometimes in order for something beautifully miraculous to happen,
you have to make it through a terrible tragedy with hope for a better tomorrow.

to you;with love.

2010-01-25T12:03:00.005+08:00

You're unwilling to go out on a limb because it just might break underneath you.
You know what your problem is? If you never go out on that limb,
you're missing one hell of a view.

it's monday! gahhhh! i reckon,i am already having the monday blues.. i'm sick. pffftt.
the boy has officially transferred his sickness to me! tsssk. i hate having flu. :((((
he got 1 day mc yesterday.. well,make that 3 days. because today & tomorrow,his off day!
he ultimately has 17 days life before his ORDDDDD OHHHHH! hahahahahahah! yay! :)
his ns days are going to be left behind him now.. time flies,eh? it felt like it was only,
yesterday that i was sending him off to hta and me,all alone touring through while he,
being sent to somewhere & only after that,like 5 hours after,lunch with him. hah!
and then after,in the bus ride home,i cried. boooooo. cry baby! hehehehehehehe. :p

we had our future planned out pretty nicely,i assume? hahaha. but nobody really knows.
but i suppose,we have our minds set on something. insyallah,we'll make it through..
right now,all we must do is,SAVE SAVE SAVE SAVE!! haaaaaaaa! yes,save money!
cos,without money,you can never ever do anything or even have a life. sigh.
oh yes,money makes the world go round.. money is the root of evil! pffffftttttt!

I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you.
It's what you leave behind when you're gone.

i wanted to go job hunting today but i am down with slight fever & flu... sigh sigh sigh!
oh wells,i hope tomorrow,i'll be able to.. because it's going to be february soon already!
i really need to get my horses up if i want to plan something for my 21st birthday!! gah!
and also,4 months without shopping is totally....... -______________________-

like what the god wants to know application implied,i must overcome my fears.. so,yeah.
sometimes,i feel that the application is really creepy! it is always right. ALWAYS OK.
and i,without a doubt,have to start right now before i fell deeper into the pit. lol. :p
well,if you have won a million dollars or be a billionaire or have found a rich sugar daddy,
then of course,shake your legs at home without being nagged at constantly. hahahahaha!
gahhh. i want to be a billionaire so that i can rub the money on the faces of those stuck ups!
pfffttt. i loathe that kind of human beings. i mean,come on.. i know you're rich...!!

If you want what you've never had,
you have to do what you've never done.

it's the 25th of january! it's like 6 more days to february! *GASP* i am not ready,not ready!
but whatever it is,i shall embrace it like all the miracles god had given us. stop whining.
and i should always be grateful and thank god for i am still alive and breathing..
thank you,god. i won't let you down,i promise. i will embrace this life you have for me. :)

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the other end of your arm.
And as you get older, try to remember that you have another hand as well.
The first step is to help yourself, and the second is to help others.

regrets.

2010-01-24T12:15:00.002+08:00

And though it's been so long, I can't ever seem to forget.
All it takes is a song, and I could swear I hear your steps down the hall.
It echoes a past that leaves an ache. It's never left because I gave you my best.

it's a sunday already!! pffttt. i loathe sundays,because tomorrow,is monday! tssk.
and i just sent the boy to the clinic,just now. he has throat infection. awww,poor thing.
more like,"serves you right ah!" he's sick,and yet,he's smoking profusely. sigh!
he told me.. the fags are the "medicine" yeah right. *snorts* i ought to kick his ass!
since when did he ever listen to me about cutting down on the fags? NEVER.

the family has gone for wedding reception somewhere in the east.. not bothered to go. -_-
i reckon i'm just lazy to put on make up with the weather like this?! pfffttt. just no!
"IT NEVER SNOWS" the boy will always get this whining from me,every single day. lol!
i assume he's already used to it,will always shakes his head and ignore me. tssskkkkkkkk!
he forevermore gets constant nagging & whining about me,wanting to live in new york.
heh. lol. poor boy.. perpetually being nagged at.. and still,he stands by me. hahahahaha!

Goodbyes make you think.
They make you realize what you have, what you've lost,
and what you've taken for granted.

i am officially being declared a tumblr addict. i reblog like a mofo. hahahaha. i likeee! :)
and since,like right now,i have nothing in mind or mostly,free time and whatever nots,
i shall have a gossip girl marathon..!! like,again,eff? it's been 3 or 4 weeks,i believe? heh.
the boy randomly said,if there was a contest on memorizing the scenes,scripts & everything,
i would surely win hands down! hahahaha! tssk! supportive,much? lol. i think,i would. hah!
the boy,without exception,is the one who knew me too well. heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. :p

tomorrow,it's 25th of january and without we noticing,it's going to be the end of january.
time really,really does flies,eh? then february,march,april... *shudders* gahh... 21!!! =/
no,no no. *inhale,exhale* i am forever 19.. yes,always forever 19. heh. edward cullen.
no one... no one.... shall remind me that i'm turning old,soon. getting married & gahh!!! pffftt. i suppose,you all just have to wait for 3 years before i get hitched.. insyallah. maybe earlier,who knows? god willing,if there's fate... and rezeki. insyallah kay? heeeee.

Why is it that the kindest words can bring you to tears?
Why is it that we can't be brave until we have fears.

you belong with me.

2010-01-23T12:29:00.003+08:00

The truth was, history repeated itself on a daily basis;
mistakes were made over and over.
People were haunted by what they had done,
and by what they hadn't had time to do.

it's a saturday and you belong with me by taylor swift is been on replay since forever!
lol. i know right? what a day to start a saturday with.. pfftt. i haven't even shower. heh.
plus,i haven't had my breakfast yet,too. so,it's brunch for me then,like always..
and i get so chapfallen just by the thought of saturday. le sigh. saturday eh!!!!!!! pffftt.
i miss the times where i went towning,shopping... SHOPPING!! it's been 4 months. -_-

aniways,let's just skip that part,shall we? i will have my moment,soon enough! heh.. :D
on today's agenda,i reckon i'll be following the family around,perhaps? sigh. fishing! grrr.
not that i have any issues on fishing,i just have no patience for it. lol! like,seriously..
i assume that i'll be bringing my lappy or maybe,my books to read,or whatever it is.
i just hope that on today's to do list for them,they'll cross out fishing but it's impossible!

Sometimes it seems safer to hold it all in,
where the only person who can judge you is yourself.

yesterday,i comprehend it as one of "those" days.. the unexpected ones,where you just,
don't presume it will happen.. but maybe cos,it was my right eye that was twitching. haha!
but i don't so much believe in the superstitious of it.. but hey,who knows right? lol.
after what felt like years... yesterday was the night he talked to me. it's been a long time!!
i thought he haven't forgiven me for my folly,my mistakes i did to him,but alhamdullilah.
we engage in a conversation,and from there is where we started everything back. (:
i am truly very happy i got in touched with him,back. i mean,he's a very nice guy....

i have been uploading pictures of the olden days. heh. my whole family when we were young.
and the rest of my uncles,aunties,friends & such. lol. i was tidying up & i found them. :p
i guess,it brings back a lot of fond memories & we would just laugh it off seeing us,once.
those memories,i'll never trade for anything.. but some things you wish you could fix..
but hey,that's life,right? if you never make mistakes,you'll never learn... life. :)

It made me wonder how many times we forgive,
just because we don't want to lose someone,
even if they don't deserve our forgiveness.

we believe.

2010-01-21T11:08:00.005+08:00

Death is not the greatest loss in life.
The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.

it's a thursday and i don't think i have been feeling anything but boredom. zzzzz!
the weekends are fast strolling in and out,i never noticed any difference. pfffftttt.
i used to loathe weekends when i was still working because it will be spent working!
hahahahahaha! lol. what a random saying.. oh,aniways.. i have been feeling hyper! :p
i don't know why.. i have not been eating banana! it's been ages,since i had one too.

my cafe world is flourishing! yay to me! i'm on level 14 already. hehehehehe. yaayyyy!
since when i have became an addict to cafe world? oh,don't ask me that. i don't know,too!
i think it's just this random moment when i logged on facebook,and tried to get on cafe world,
and bam! before you know it,i was cooking,buying more chairs & tables & upgrading! :)
hehehehe. i am even obsessed with friends sending me food and such! heh. :D

Goodbyes make you think.
They make you realize what you have, what you've lost,
and what you've taken for granted.

and so,yesterday....

i met up with my two favorite girls! yay! it's been a long time... a real one. but,yay! :)
and by that,we have almost the whole day together,having fun,doing silly things! :p
we went to have my favorite nasi briyani since kak n has been craving for it like forever!
and then,we went to jalan kilang timor to collect kak j's avatar winnings. she always win!!
following that,we went to karaoke at orchard! hahahaha! i swear it was the best! LOL!
we were literally saving our voices for rock songs for the last part of it.. tsssk tsskkk!
but one and all,i truly,deeply had the most unforgettable time.. it was awesome! =)

*yawnssss* no interesting things happening at facebook right now. hahahahhaha!
i guess either everyone's schooling,working or any other way they are having now. :p
i am bored to the zits! heh. i have been waiting to upload videos at youtube but failed. :(
pfffttt. i guess mine's a bigger file since the camera's like that. le sigh. it's exhausting!
kak n's gonna kill me if she came back & find her dedicated song is not upload yet!
gahh! youtube,you better be kind to me right now and stop the goddamn errors!

You never leave someone behind,
you take a part of them with you,
and leave a part of yourself behind.

my dear boy is sick. sigh. poor boy of mine.. it's been a long time since he had been.
i guess,after this,i'll buy porridge & some medicines and then,take care of him. pfftt!
hahahaha! bad gf! he's been always taking care of you,everytime you're sick,you know?
kay kay! stop harping on it! i know all the kind of sacrifices he makes,just for me.... :D
since he's feeling under the weather,the picnic we had in mind today,is postponed. :(
but nah,it's okay! we will have to do it some other time he's better and well.

why do i feel so lethargic,today? party in the usa has been playing on repeat,AGAIN.
plus,you belong with me by my gorgeous taylor swift kept ringing in my head. heh!
speaking of which,i couldn't wait for valentine's day,the movie! awesomeeeeee!
all my favorite actors are the cast of the movie... yay! especially,ashton kutcher! <3
and my sister,jessica alba. and BRADLEY COOPER DARLING! and,yeah you get it. =)

Sometimes to keep it together,
you have to leave it alone.

live life as it is.

2010-01-19T13:22:00.003+08:00

Anyone who can touch you can hurt you or heal you.
Anyone who can reach you can love you or leave you.

so,i know i haven't been updating but hey,here i am right? been quite busy. right.
so much for being "busy". but yeah,been researching and also,been planning..
it's january,and soon,of course,it'll be my 21st birthday! GAHHHH!!!!!!! *runs*
i am not 21st this year.. i am rather,forever 19. hehehhehe. edward's 17,so i'm 19. (:
but... planning for 21st birthday is exhausting,takes up a lot of time & of course,$$$$$!
jeez. but hey,i turned 21 once only right? oh sorry,*coughs* i am forever 19! :p

talking about researching,i have been devastated about hearing another earthquake. :((
the signs are all there,you know.. the end of the world. it could be later,sooner.. who knows?
there's quite many predictions about when the world will actually,end. pfffftttt.
literally,Isaac Newton predicted that the world will kaput in 2060,before he died.
but in reality,we will never know won't we? it's all up to him. GOD. only he knows..
he will know when he'll take back the gift he has given us,this world,this life.

There is always one person you love who becomes that definition.
It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually.
This is the person who unknowingly sets the template,
for what you will always love about other people,
even if some of these lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable.
The person who defines your understanding of love,
is not inherently different than anyone else,
and they’re often just the person you happen,
to meet the first time you really, really,
want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose.
Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

my head is having migraines,i think? it has been pumping & thumping. it hurts. =/
aniways,forget about my head.. researching is exhausting and in a way,quite fun. :D
you learn about quite a number of things,especially when it comes to endangered species.
i have been watching national geographic channel since forever & truly,i am in love.
i am comprehensively in love with animals,and i will take anything to save them! :(
i will thoroughly do this,and keep to my word! and i'll make a difference,no matter how small.

besides that,i have a new distraction from doing my research and having a real job,
that is,playing my ipod touch! i have downloaded this new game,surviving high school,
and i am wholeheartedly obsessed and infatuated with the game. heee heee heee. :p
plus,i haven't been able to finish my story. i am stuck at page 13. mental block. lol!
sigh. i think there's so many beguilement that i hadn't been able to avoid. pfffttt.

we've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers,
heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time,
heard poets urging us to seize the day. still sometimes,
we have to see for ourselves. we have to make our own
mistakes. we have to learn our own lessons. we have
to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until
we can't anymore. until we finally understand for ourselves.

i have been watching fairytales and all i could do was just be even more sadden by it. :(
wouldn't it be easier if our lives were all like fairy tales? happy ending,no disruption.
no wars,no disasters,no racism,no criticism & such. but then again,we won't learn eh?
sigh. empire state of mind has been playing on replay ever since,and oh,party in the usa.
i know right? so bloody obsessed with new york and usa! hahahaha. you can't blame me! :p

i have been doing a lot of devising and brainstorming,and i may have come up,
with a conclusion,something that i never thought i will do,i think? but i'm still thinking.
if the other plan doesn't goes through,i'll be taking one offer which requires me,
to leave everything here,start a new life in my dream country and be a new me. ((:
on side of it,it's very tempting with great benefits that i'm sure i will gain from. heh.
i discussed with the boy about this,he said a couple of things but he's willing. oh,we'll see.

There's a difference between goodbye and letting go.
Goodbye is "I'll see you again when I'm ready to hold your hand,
and when you're ready to hold mine.
Letting go is "I'll miss your hand.
I realized its not mine to hold, and I will never hold it again."

two is better than one.

2010-01-14T12:25:00.004+08:00

I don’t know what love is but when I’m with you,
I feel like the safest person in the world.
I forget about everything else, nothing else matters.
It’s about the here and now and when you leave,
it’s a waiting game because all I want is the next day,
I get to see you and that’s the reason I keep on going every day,
in hopes that today is the next day I get to spend even one minute with you.
So if this isn’t love, it should be, because it’s the best thing in the world.

ughhh. little miss red is here to haunt me,yet again.. every month. tssskkkk!
she was here,yesterday and god,i never had a feeling of hatred so deep before..
hahahahahahaha! why must we girls only get pms and all this crap together?!
jeez. imagine if the guys would have got it too? GROSS! disgusting,eff. stop it!
sorry.. i just have a very,very wild imagination plus am kinda getting frustrated!

sigh. mood swings,getting irritated so easily is what i loathe when miss red is here.
it's always a BIG NO DISTURB SIGN plastered across our forehead,eh? pffftt.
and right now,since i got nothing to do,i have been on cafe world since i woke up!
i'm so left out & all my friends are level 61,it's insane!! hahahaha! -_-
maybe after this,i'll make a card for the boy,since he's doing inservice now. :p
he'll only be back at 7pm or maybe,later than that & tomorrow,he's working.. :(

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
forgive them anyway. If you are kind,
people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives; be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat; be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, people may be jealous; be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.
Give the world the best you’ve got, and it may never be enough; give your best anyway.
In the end, it was between you and God, it was never between you and them anyway.

happy 43rd,dear love of my life.
i know that we have been bumpy lately,with this and that.. and everything else.
but yesterday night,after the talk we had,after what you reassured me of,i knew then.
i know that even whatever setbacks that we're going through,you still love me..
that no matter how adamantine it is,you're willing to figure it out & do this together..
i am well informed that i may sometimes be unreasonable,selfish and stubborn,
but i am certain that you'll always stand by my side,no matter what i did or have done.
that's the reason why,i believe that you're the one for me,despite whatever i felt.
i love you,baby.. always have,always will.

yesterday,the boy and i,we went to the movies and watched sherlock holmes!
i loved the classics stories of him,and the movie,i think,is quite exquisite. ((:
i must add,that robert downey jr played the role of sherlock holmes,pretty damn well!
and jude law,who enact the role of the doctor watsons,he surprised me too. :D
but one and all,i give sherlock holmes 5/5 popcorn stars!!! i truly loved it! heh.

The best part of loving is having someone who will literally rescue you from sadness,
from being along, from all the madness in the world,
from being misunderstood and from being judged.
If there is someone who did just one of those for you, keep him.

it doesn't matter.

2010-01-13T14:17:00.004+08:00

"happy is waking up in the morning and realizing you have three hours left to sleep.
happy is going in a pool on a hot summer day.
happy is finishing a project after weeks of procrastination.
happy is being out with friends and not having a care in the world.
happy is taking a warm shower on a cold day.
happy is having hot chocolate after shoveling snow. happy is being held by you."

it's wednesday,the 13th of january! tomorrow,is our 42nd & so far,zilch. tsssk.
i haven't come up with anything since he'll be working tomorrow. le sigh. :(
plus,i think it would be nothing special except for next month,it will. hehehehehehe.
next month is our 43rd & also,valentine's day! yipeeedooo! lol. so ecstatic! :p
i can still remember last year's valentine where he bought me a bouquet of flowers..

party in the usa has been played on replay over and over again. hahahahahahahaha!
well,i don't have issues with miley cyrus,i think she's cool and kind of hot,really! :D
i love hannah montana. well,that's random. but aniways,it's associate with USA!
my dream country....! hahaha. but somehow,i'll get there one day... NEW YORK! =)
too much of gossip girl and this is what you get.. i just watched gg,btw.

"theres only so many times you can allow someone to let you down,
before you cant handle the disappointment anymore.
when the things change people change and it doesn't mean you forget the past,
it simply means you try to move on and treasure the memories.
letting go doesn't mean giving up, it means accepting things that weren't meant to be.
there's a point in life when you get tired of chasing everyone,
and fixing every little thing but it's not giving up.
you got to do what's right for you even if it hurts."

happy 21st birthday idah love!!! :D
you have reach the age,the age that all of us year 89 babies have been dreading!
i know right? it's finally,hello adulthood! goodbye,teenage years. but,i doubt it! :p
we're all some kind of young at heart,always right? nevertheless,enjoy this day!
i hope that you'll have a blast and that this year brings you more joy & love!
may you'll live till ripe old age,insyallah. lots of love! xoxo.

and seeing everyone reaching their 21st very soon,i am literally dreading mine. :((
i'm so not ready to be 21.. i know,legally would be watching R21 movies soon. blah.
who cares about R21 movies,aniways? not until 16th april,though. hahahhahaha.
being 21 means that you have to seriously take life,see what you've been doing..
plan ahead for the future,to REALLY START saving up and getting ready to settle down.
jeez. the thought of it all.. *shudders* quack,quack,quack. i just wanna have more fun! :p

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn, or consumed.
Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.

lessons in heartbreak.

2010-01-11T11:04:00.002+08:00

forgiveness is never easy. bitterness is easy.
hatred is always easy. but forgiveness, thats a tough one.
sometimes people say things they dont mean or do things they cant take back.
sometimes we do things we cant take back. so we feed ourselves to starve the pain.

i haven't been able to update because i am seriously intense in my story. heeee.
i am already on page 11 and hey,that's a great start,don't you think so? lol.
the past few days,i had ideas & it just came strolling into my mind & i had to write!
because,if i don't,i'll probably never going to get it back. like ever. hahahahaha.
but aniways,here i am updating,just for the sake of updating.. :p

it's monday and yes,wait for it,wait for it... *GROANS* monday bluey blues! pfft.
i hate mondays,i truly hate mondays. jeeezz! but don't everyone? yes,they do.
for some part,sundays are also loathe because,it's very near to monday.. haha!
but anywise,time just flies,huh? it's 11th of january of twenty ten. uh uh. it is.....
it's 3 more days to our 42nd,but he's having in-service on his off day! TSSSKKK!
and his weekends are spend working too but only,his sunday.. sigh. what luck!

It's said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been.
But what about the man who's faced with what was,
or what may never be, or what can no longer be.
Choosing the right path is never easy,
it's a decision we make with only our hearts to guide us,
but sometimes we find our way to something better.
Sometimes we fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes,
our malice and our jealousy,
and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be.
And that's when we find our way to something better,
or when something better finds its way to us.

so far,my baby boy has been doing really conscientiously in school. alhamdullilah.
i hope,that it would go as far as he could.. because,i know that he's still growing.
but every night,i would look at his face and smile but at the same time,cry too.
he's growing so fast.. and it's saddening. how i wish he would be just like that,forever.
but hey,who am i kidding right? everyone grows. everyone will be able to live life.
but to me,he would always be my dearest baby boy.... the small boy,that i love.

since i have been watching gossip girl too many a time already,i'm hooked on youtube.
so far,i watched,meet the robinsons,a cinderella story. and maybe,step up later! :D
those old stories never got old. you can watch them,over and over again! hehehehe.
just like gossip girls! :p plus,i'm still on true blood's season 2. hahahahahaha!
mum need someone to accompany her to get goodie bags from little sister's school.
so i guess,the agenda for today would just be to her school,and back home,chillax.

Do you ever wanna go back? I remember being sixteen,
and everything just seemed so much easier. Would you do it differently?
I'd try and appreciate the things I took for granted.
But I think we have to go through all that stuff to get to the places we want to be.

the things you fell for.

2010-01-08T15:49:00.011+08:00

eventually you just have to realize,
that you're living for an audience of one.
you're not here for anyone else's approval.

tgif! yes,thank god it's friday! right now,i kinda like fridays.. don't ask me why! :p
but i think,it's a feeling of having the weekends free to myself since i'm still jobless.
lol. that doesn't sum much of fun! jeez, it makes me look pathetic. oh,whatever..
but today,this friday,after a long walk to cck from bp & back again,with the boy,
kinda sums up to me missing long walks with him like we did last few years.. :)

i have been watching a lot of news lately & god,i get so depressed sometimes. )):
the wars,terrorism,racism,killing of animals & such.. environmental issues. sigh.
it just gets to me,like right now. like any other normal day where i watched it.
i think the passion is burning hell of a sensation inside me right now. it does.
and i really want to save the world,make a difference & do something out there!

Sometimes you’re afraid to become a couple because you’re afraid,
of losing what you already have with that person.
But life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don’t be a person who has to look back,
and wonder what they could have had.
No one waits forever.

i have been watching season 2 of true blood since season 3 is not out yet. ):
plus,waiting for gossip girl is unnerving. really,really.. i want it so badly. jeez.
and besides that,i have been doing alot of researching & studying & jotting down.
i feel that i want to really do this. i want to fight for a difference in this world.
something that i have passion in,something good. it's a honorable thing,right?

my back has been killing me. more like my posture,i guess? i feel like a hunchback.
i shouldn't be slouching,i know. great. sit up straight & posture,boobs out. HAHA!
what the fuck? i can never,ever sit up straight or walk with a posture like that!! :p

You want to know what happiness is?
It's waking up in the middle of the night,
shifting under the blankets and,
feeling the heart of the person next to you.
You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent,
and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world,
lies on anyone’s shoulders but their own.
You smile and kiss their face in the gentlest manner so as not to wake them.
You turn back and an involuntary grin forms on your face.
You feel an arm wrap around your waist,
and you know it doesn't get any better than this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAYANG!!!!
you have yet,turn a year older! heee heee heee. congratulations! :p
a year older means you're getting close to marriage! muahahahaha. kidding!
may today brings you a lot more joy,happiness and every good things.. :D
you know i am always here,for you. never far. always a phone call away.
that you don't have to think twice in confiding in me,or anything at all...
i will always love you,today,tomorrow,any other day of forever. love love.

i reckon,after the book that i'm reading now,i will take a real short nap. heee.
or maybe,i will dream of something so i can finish on a story that i am at. lol!
i feel so lethargic,so tired and worn out.. i simply need a break from everything.
maybe a short holiday would be great but then again,who am i kidding?
i'm not some kind of a freaking billionaire! haaaarrr deeee haaarrrr!

the only reason we hold back is because,
we think we have an endless amount of chances
or that there will ALWAYS be one more time.
but as time disappears into the past and life goes on,
those chances will run out, and you`ll either LIVE,
with eternal happiness for being brave,
or eternal regret for holding back.

life has a purpose.

2010-01-06T12:28:00.002+08:00

"Those endless nights that kept us busy,
those people that walk in and out of your life,
but leave an impression, those timeless times that won't ever fade,
those unforgettable moments that will last a life time,
those stories you'll tell your grandchildren and those journeys that have yet to come."

it's wednesday today,and in some such way,i feel rather odd. bad dreams!! )):
i dream about goddamn huge seagulls who are very,very evil & malicious,
and by some means,only prey on girls they like & they can talk. what the fuck?
i swear,i sure as hell don't know what are the dreams all about... scary yet bizarre.
plus,my whole family is in the dream & the seagull is after me & my father killed it.
bloody hell! who knows what the dreams mean?! spooky & ghostly as hell! tssk.

after this,it's time to do my normal exercising at home.. yipee! 2 days straight! :D
and thank god,i have been doing it normally for the whole of 2 days & plus today..
i have not been giving up. that's a good one. on top of it,i have been on diet. heh.
well,it's a good start.. promising one,insyallah. by 3 months... yes yes. i can do it!

Sometimes you just have to forgive someone,
because you can't stand not having them in your life.

today,i asked the boy to accompany me to the library.. for research purposes. again.
and i'm certainly not joking when i say i want to pursue my career in activism..
the means of saving mother earth,the almost extinct animals.. sigh. i get so sad.
i mean,just yesterday i watched the news about the japanese slaying tunas! ):
the tunas are to be the one who are almost close to extinction & they are killing them,
for their means of food... i mean,i know their main source are mostly depended on tunas,
but i mean,come on.. you can't just slay thousands of them,up for sale & food. jeez.

i kinda miss shopping. but hell,i am bloody broke.. hahaha. plus,the boy's pay is not in.
and and,i can't touch most of his pay because we're saving up for the short trip,
on chinese new year with his family to port dickson! hehehehehe. if plan is through. (:
dang. that means,no more shopping for another 1 whole fucking month?! *groans*
it's my break a record for this year plus last year.. haven't shopped for 3 months!!
wow. wow. even i surprised myself... dang,i can go that long not shopping?! HAHA!

Don’t ask yourself what the world needs;
ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

darkest hour.

2010-01-05T15:31:00.007+08:00

Cause it's a bittersweet symphony this life.
Try to make ends meet, you're a slave to money then you die.
I'll take you down the only road I've ever been down, you know,
the one that takes you to the places where all the veins meet, yeah.

it's the 5th of january and somehow,i'm kinda feeling troubled & unsettled..
well,to cheer me up... i'm watching gossip girl over & over again. gg marathon!!
since the brand new episode will only air on march bloody eight of twenty ten.
pfftt pffftt. it's kinda long & i am already missing chuck bass. heeeeee heeeeee.
plus the drama of serena,nate,rufus & lily... omgggggnesss! ))):

speaking of which,i have been extremely excelling in healing myself.
and i am onto the road of losing weight,that to speak of. haarr deee haarrrr.
it has,i suppose,been going on quite well since i started on a basic diet.. first.
eat a portion of rice for just a day,the rest of the day just small meals & fruits.
well,i hope i could keep to that & insyallah,i lose weight in about 3 months!!
at least,10-15 kg in 3 months,serena van der woodsen body. hehehehe. :p

Maybe he doesn't love me anymore... Maybe he's moved on.
But he'll never completely move on, and neither will I.
Because like it or not, we're part of each others lives.
And no matter what, we'll always remember..

like i said earlier,i'm on a gossip girl marathon today & i never got tired. heh.
only my dvd player and my lappy who has to keep loading for the episodes. :p
and i really,really loathe megavideo! which seems to sucks & totally unreliable!
because,it always pause at the good parts & pop up,your time has expired!
bloody hell! i didn't know watching videos has an expiry.. nut tart! pfffttt.

oh great! now,my most reliable source of watching gossip girl online,
has finally decided to cease itself & add megavideo as it's default streaming..!!!
what the hell? i only have season 1,season 2 & half of season 3 on dvd.. FUCK!
oh god. i hate this. i really,really dislike when these things are happening.. )):

That's all I ask of you...
That you'll be there to hold my hand and catch my tears.
That you'll spare me the bitter judgment of society.
I just want something that's based off of two hearts...
not two hearts and the world.

the hardest thing.

2010-01-03T21:28:00.003+08:00

Never let anyone fall for you,
when you know there's someone else in your heart and mind.

oh i think almost the whole loads of people are watching spiderman! heeee.
and i think,watching it over & over again,doesn't tire me with the storyline.
plus,they have some meaningful,inspirational words that hit right through.
and the thing that zap right through me and it does make sense,always,
"start by doing the hardest thing,you forgive yourself." it's true.

i'm currently on my lappy and a couple of things ran through my subconscious.
run by leona lewis is currently on repeat,it does sip into me & made me think...
there are many things left unsaid,things i never get in as much to people,
i don't want it to repeat.. i wanna make it more prominent,not as the last.
i will be more surpassing. i would not repeat the mistakes i wish i hadn't make.

That’s the thing about letting old lovers go.
You don’t stop loving some of them.
There are a couple you love no less than you ever did.
You’re not gonna try and make it work again,
but if they needed you, you’d drop everything.

i had a crazy thought but i don't think it's insane or whether i'm in my right mind.
i want to do something good for the world,something that benefits me..
i would want to change the world,even a little bit. like i said in my previous entry..
i want to save mother earth. the children that are suffering.. the war.
like how i told i wanted to be an activist,i still want to... been pondering a lot.

i have been researching quite a few lately,been on the environmental issues,world.
the sustainability of what we used to have,wars,wildlife & issues like that..
i just want to travel around the world to convey a message,to help everyone.
i want to make a difference. even if it's a wee bit,it's still something.
i know you may think that i'm crazy.. but right now,i am sane. i feel it.
somehow,somewhat,i know i will get there.

It's just a horrible,
uneasy feeling to say goodbye,
to someone you care about that much.

before we say goodbye.

2010-01-02T20:46:00.004+08:00

The bad thing about falling to pieces is that it hurts.
The good thing about it is that once you're lying there in shards,
you've got nothing left to protect, and so you have no reason not to be honest.

it's 2nd of january,2010. it feels different,i feel odd. though,it's kind of fast.
it's a new year & however i'm welcoming it,it still feels too hurried.
i still couldn't believe that right now,my calendar is of new moon 2010. :p
my cristiano ronaldo 2009 calendar is wrapped all nicely & has been put away.
let's stop talking about 2009,shall we? it's a new year,new beginnings.

and even to that,i still find that something is amiss & that i'm missing some things.
for that,i have no answer to it right now or maybe never? im hoping for a start.
i have to commence myself to stop hiding from life & actually,living it..
because eff,you know it & you have been telling yourself,that life is short.
and you can't waste it away just because you're hurt,you're not up to it.
eff,you have to start now or never.

I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances,
and how it's really just about overcoming your fears.
Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life,
no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it.

lately,i have been thinking a lot bout my future and everything that comes with it.
i feel that as though i'm living some kind of fantasy,hoping that it would exist.
i have to keep reminding myself that this isn't a fairytale & i'm not a princess.
and if i don't initiate it now,i won't be anywhere,i won't be where i want it to be.
live it right now,this moment,this time.

you have forgiven yourself,yes. but without delay,you have to learn to accept.
the road to acceptance,eff. remember that.. and remember you'll be fine.
remember that making mistakes are fine,just don't repeat them.

Set your standards high and never settle for less.
Believe in yourself no matter what,
but don't worry if you stray because,
the most important thing is that you've learned along the way.
Take all you've become to be all that you can be.
Soar high above the clouds, and let your dreams be set free.

twenty ten.

2010-01-01T22:25:00.003+08:00

Two of the hardest tests in life:
The patience to wait for the right moment,
and the courage to accept that you've waited for nothing.

happy twenty-ten,everyone. a new year awaits for all of you out there. (:
let this 2010 be as fruitful as the last,or if not,may it be better..
we all have our different views,different problems & stories.
but we live to tell,sometimes. and at times,it does help to share.

and 2010,be nice to me. be real nice. or if not,dear january,i hope you will.
dear 2010,help me to find myself again,find me to be better than the last.
dear god,i know you will help me through this,you always have.

I'm the girl. The one that's always lost.
The one with the fake smile. The girl who seems to be so strong,
but daily continues to break. The girl whose always there,
and seems to have no problems of her own.
The one who holds back tears until she's off the phone.

this is goodbye,then.

2009-12-31T09:36:00.002+08:00

In addition, all objects in the universe have a place where they belong,
& objects move toward their place in the universe.

finally,it's new year's eve and eventually,i am ready. ready to let go,now.
i am ready to move on to a new year & say goodbye to my memories in 09'
it has been bittersweet,i believe everyone has their own stories,their life.
and this year,even though it's been painful,agonizing,it's been fruitful...
throughout all that,i have discover that i'm stronger than i thought i am.
and time will heal,but it doesn't. maybe it will,maybe never,maybe forever.

thank you,2009. i'm ready now,thank you for giving me a chance to live it.
thank you,ya allah. you have given me a day to live again in this world..
thank you,my friends,whom have been there for me,who never gave me up.
thank you,dearest boy,whom always believe in me. who always love me,
even in my bad days,who never waive in supporting me & always being there.
without you,i am nothing. without you,i wouldn't be here. i love you.

before, they had never found themselves broken together.
Usually, it was one needing the other but not both needing each other,
so there had been a way, by touching,
to borrow from the stronger one's strength.
And they had never understood, as they did now,
what the word horror meant.

that sums out all that i have for 09',it's a lot to want to jot it down all here..
and now,it adds another memory to my folder of yesteryears.. 2009.
alhamdullilah,i am still breathing to embrace another year to live it.
i won't let you down,ya allah. i won't waste my it & keep hiding from life.
it's time to do something about it,it's time to get up and fight.

and throughout everything,taufik batisah has never been a failure to me.
i lived with his songs,and his songs always make me in peace,make me smile,
makes me happy and sometimes,it takes the pain away a little.
thank you,taufik batisah. you have never let me down whenever i'm sad.
when you were asked,5 years ago,why you should be chosen as SI,
you said you wanted to inspire others with positive energy & you did it.
truly,you did justice. i'll forever love you,taufik batisah. "I DREAM"

Each time I told my story,I lost a bit,
the smallest drop of pain.
It was that day that I knew I wanted to tell the story of my family.
Because horror on Earth is real and it is every day.
It is like a flower or like the sun; it cannot be contained.

the last battle.

2009-12-30T09:56:00.003+08:00

Here's my philosophy on dating.
It's important to have somebody that can make you laugh,
somebody you can trust, somebody that, you know, turns you on.
And it's really, really important that,
these three people don't know each other.

the last 2 days of 2009,that,unfortunately,i have been dreading much..
it means the end of another year,the beginning of an au courant. 2010.
time always past by us like a current that flows through a river,
without us realizing,sometimes,it could create a majestic disaster,like floods.
and how is that theory similar to a fresh start of a brand new year?
we never realize it until it hits us until the very end.

and what have i been doing these past few,most probably the last of 2009?
i have been filling myself up with memories,it's like a representation to what,
i used to be,to whom i used to have in my life,and to what i have achieved.
some things you did which you're never proud of,ones you wish you could mend,
but hey,that's life for you.. if you never fall,you'll never learn from the downfall.

The fact that you cannot kiss your elbow is enough,
to make you realize that some things seem to be so close,
yet they are bound to be beyond your reach.

but i may whine and rave about how the year's have gone past by us,
i am thankful for one thing until now,that i am still alive,still breathing..
thankful that god has yet gave me another day to see the world,to live.
i'm gratified to him that he stills give me until today to start fresh,move on.
because,without him,we will never really be here in the first place.
everything has taught me that life is indeed precious & you should be grateful.

as i go on with life,living my everyday,things may sometime take a turn...
you hear about deaths,deaths of friends,family members,even celebrities.
and then you think hard,you get caught by the moment.. life is short.
you'll never know when he decided to take your life away,whether momentarily,
or either way,he can lift up your life from you,any second,when he has to.
and till now,i am still learning to live life as though there's no tomorrow.

The bad thing about falling to pieces is that it hurts.
The good thing about it is that once you're lying there in shards,
you've got nothing left to protect, and so you have no reason not to be honest.

and so,here's to 2009,who have eventually,taught me little bits pieces of life.
who yet again,may have disappoint me in a way,but i was never happier..
thank you,2009. you have been a great year & i'm finally ready,to let go.
to let go of the memories i had with you,of the things i used to have,back then.
to you,for catechizing me the rules of life,falling down & getting up again,
for the times i never treasured life,for the times i feel that life's unfair..

no matter how,no matter what,life would always be unfair & we'll have to learn.
if life is full of fairness,we'll never learn the little bits & pieces of life..
if life isn't tough,we won't be strong enough to withstand pain & cruelty of life.
as weird as it may sound,i'm still learning too,still giving myself some time.
like the americans say,"cut yourself some slack" thank you,life.

To need someone more than you want is insecurity.
To want someone more than you need them is lust.
Love is when you need and want someone in your life in equal amounts.

embracing a new year.

2009-12-29T11:56:00.004+08:00

It seems like the simplest concept.
Just push everyone away, & you'll never get hurt.
However, the simplest isn't always the most effective.

it's another day,another antiquity. but somehow,i am not ready.
but i'm trying to have faith,because without faith,we have nothing.
the other side of things,i am going to be embracing a new year,2010.
by april,i'll be 21. the key to life. the day i'll no longer be a "teenager"
but hey,one can be young at heart.. can they? hehehehehe. (:

a part of me,as ready it is to grasp 2010 as it came by,i'm scared.
i'm blanched overseeing the future,daunted over what will happen..
but like they say,live in the present and don't fright over the future.
because,you'll never know. no one can predict the future. no one,eff.

If you don't go through the hard times,
you don't appreciate how good you really have it.

as good as i want to have allegiance in myself,in the incoming year,
i can not ostracize of what i am going to be facing but i shall prohibit it.
i am still young,still pubescent and insyallah,i have good things ahead of me.
because god never fails. he helps you when you're in need & he's always there.
dear allah,i know you'll be there by my side. always.

i,sometimes,feel like shrinking,felt like withering,like a dead flower..
i can be up,full of energy that immerse through me but at one time,
i can just dwindle and fall. weaken and weaken by the thought of it.

An arrow can be shot only by pulling it backward.
So when life is dragging you back with difficulties,
it means that it's going to launch you into something great.

forgiving yourself.

2009-12-27T11:54:00.002+08:00

i believe that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others,
you have to forgive yourself first.

i want to thank dear iyliee for all those encouraging yet inspiring quotes.
it gets to me,somehow. it just invades my mind & made me think for a sec.
forgiveness always starts by asking others for their forgiveness,but,
it always has to start with yourself first & that's what i hadn't been able to.
it's a matter of exculpation,eff.. you have to start with you.

it's a cooling,breezy and appeasing afternoon,don't you all think so?
i woke up to having the blanket right up to my nose,even though,
i am kind of wearing a pj. what? you may say.. this,you still want snow?
lol. i still want snow & i literally can imagine myself with all that snow.. ((:
it's tolerably alleviating.. peace. and i would love some of that.

You were that breath of fresh air in my life,
and maybe that's why I'm finding it so hard to breathe now.

it's a sunday and somewhat,i don't feel like a "normal sunday",you know?
my more or less sunday is filled with fun,laughters,if not similar like that..
but now,all i have is staying at home,minding my own business. but so what?
i,to a certain extent,just love staying home,sometimes,or most of the times. :p

i still am planning something for new year's eve because,i'm gonna be alone. ):
anyone wanna adopt me for that particular day? lol. "sounds like desperation."
passably,i hope that plan will worked out & that i will at least have some fun. :p
i realized something.. i love the :p emoticon. i canonize it more in msn.. haha!
i keep ending my sentence with a :p if i meant to tease,or just being funny. LOL.

It's such a lie that you should do what's in your heart.
If we all did what was in our hearts, the world would come to a halt.

anywise,i have conceivably maybe feeling a lot better than days ago,i think?
i'm still trying,still disputing this martyr pain of myself with oneself.
but i'll get better,i will. allah is always there for me,he's always there...
and i believe that i can actually keep going on,even when i can't.
thank you,iyliee. somehow or somewhat,we have a connection to feelings...
xoxo.

The saddest things is that people get so used to their image,
they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains.
They forget all about who they really are.
And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it.
They feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.

the secret island.

2009-12-26T11:43:00.003+08:00

"Stories are, in one way or another, mirrors.
We use them to explain to ourselves how the world works or how it doesn't work.
Like mirrors, stories prepare us for the day to come.
They distract us from the things in the darkness."

today,is boxing day,a day after christmas and i should be shopping. )):
because,usually,boxing day,there will lots of sale going around here & there.
but unfortunately,i couldn't afford all that luxury right now,for i am broke.
so,being the goody two shoes i am,i shall stay put at home... jeez.
for the first time ever in my life,i was home on christmas & boxing day?!!

but that,i shall not dampen my spirits.. i will not be home on new year's eve.
because then,would that be outrageously ridiculous & i wouldn't want to,
spend my whole of 2010 being alone with no one there by my side.. )))):
5 more days before the start of something new,something contemporary.

You fell in love with someone because of the tilt of his smile,
or because he could make you laugh, or in this case,
because he made you believe you were the only one who could save him.

today,out of curiosity, i went and look at the god's daily message on fb..
conventionally,he's always right and sometimes,it made me cry so much.
not because i loathe what it has to say,it's because it is concordant with facts.
it says,"it's time to stop going through the motions of living & start living,
are you willing to do that now? or are you going to wait until all life energy,
drains out of you & your loved ones who are trying to support you,
at this very moment?" he's right. he's accurate. that's what i'm doing. =/

from right now on,i have particularly,a few more days before a new year.
it's time for a fresh start,to start anew,to stop all this that i am having..
but,who am i kidding right? i need time. time to heal. time to swallow it.
with time,comes healing and after that,it would all be admissible. i hope.
ya allah,i know you're there. please,help me through this hard times...

Life is too ironic to fully understand.
It takes sadness to know what happiness is.
Noise to appreciate silence.
and absence to value presence.

another mountain.

2009-12-25T11:42:00.003+08:00

There was a time where I stayed up til 1 or 2 to figure out,
the reason why I fell in love with you I used to have a grip on everything,
now what I know is all that's left of me and what I can't let go.

this christmas morning,all i am feeling is grieve,which i don't quite get it.
i mean,it's christmas,it's suppose to be my favorite holiday and such,
but when i woke up to the sun shining through my bedroom window,
all i want is to curl up in that old-fashioned way of crying and cry.
this whole thing i'm feeling,is nothing new,life's funny like that...

but then,dear santa,couldn't you at least plaster a smile across my face today?
did i asked you for too much? all i want is my dear old insane self back.. )):
i'm losing grip and i can't figure out what's happening to me,i don't.
but if dear god,if you're here hearing this,help me through this. i need it.
this thing i'm going through,it's not simple and it's not just a flicker of fear,
it's something huge and it's ravishing my thoughts,playing with my soul.

Worry about your character not your reputation,
because your character is who you really are,
and your reputation is simply what others think of you.

somehow,i wish i was in the states where it was apparently,snowing now...
maybe,with all that snow,i could just stroll down central park and perhaps,
decipher what's beclouding my mind and dampen my spirits,my inconstancy.
i'm trying to perceive this subsistence of this matter that has to go away..
truly,i am going to die of exhaustion,due to crying and collapsing so much.
i wish i could conjecture all of this discernment & just be normal again. =/

it involves my future,my whole life,down the road,from here on.
i couldn't go on,running away,keep preventing people i love,away from me.
the more i went on like this,the more i'll be disintegrated and once it gets,
overwhelmed,i certainly won't know what will actually happen to me...
all i need now,is possibly,a shot of miracle. something to keep me up.

Sometimes you have to give up on people.
Everyone that is in your journey is meant to be in your journey,
but not everyone is meant to stay there.

show me the meaning.

2009-12-23T20:29:00.003+08:00

There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't.
It's your job to turn round and say “watch me”.

i'm currently listening to backstreet boys! heee haww! they're coming here! (:
i have always loved bsb and what do you expect when i grew up with their songs.
and i will never get bored with them,whatever people wanna say bout them..
lol yeah! they're coming & there's always an issue with the money. damn.
muse coming,paramore is coming and all the great bands! goddamnit!!

i'm so obsessed with snow,i think? or more like obsessed with the states. lol.
new york,more like it. it is morning now,there & snowing & 3 bloody degrees celcius.
jeez. what's more,it's almost christmas eve tomorrow but i don't feel it. )):
this year,not only am i spending christmas alone,new year's too. sigh sigh.
i am the most loneliest idiot geek ever & i don't want it to be like that!!!
how you spend your new year's eve,is how your whole year will look like.
and somehow,i have tested that theory for almost 2 years now. =/

Love means holding on to someone just as hard,
as you can because if you don't,
one blink and they might disappear...forever.

somehow,i think i got it. pain comes from keeping the pain a secret.
but i can't do it,i won't let it out... i am stubborn like that but i just can't.
i guess,yes,it's right.. keeping the pain is making it more painful to let go.
but then,until then,i won't learn how to let go and move on,do i?
still,i can't do this. no matter how hard i tried,i kept running away.

it's been a month now,i am still searching and hopefully,insyallah soon.
i'm not tired of searching and won't be tired of it but it gets restless. )):
jeez. i can't seem to see what's my future like.. it's kinda bleak. sigh.
oh well,whatever it is,i do not want to care about it. it feels so,i don't know.
sigh. weak. weakening. and weakened now.

Two of the hardest tests in life: The patience to wait for the right moment,
and the courage to accept that you've waited for nothing.

pushing daisies.

2009-12-17T12:59:00.002+08:00

Jealousy is just a way of telling someone,
you care too much to let them go.

it's thursday and tomorrow is finally,thank god it's friday! wooohoooo!
saturday and time for parteeeyyy with the kiddos! lol. lmao,eh? :P
i don't know why i keep listening to jiwang songs.. sigh sigh. saddening.
like right now,am listening to newboyz-sejarah mungkin berulang! HAHA.
kental? i know. but somehow,tomok songs bring a lot of memories.. ):
and by a lot,i mean really a lot swimming through my mind right now.

yesterday was one of the days that i felt that it hit a nerve,really. )))):
i don't know it was a joke when i was just blogging about you,earlier.....
and there you were,yesterday. i chose to ignore,you choose to do the same.
but i knew you know it was me and you wanted to call out but i know.. =/
i know. you're in a better place and i'm truly happy for you. (:

The expected is what we live for.
The unexpected is what changes our lives.

jeez. it's scary.. it's going to be 2010 already!!! argh,i am so not ready! ):
i'm still living in 2009 right now and i do not want it to end so soon after......
sigh. but i guess,that's life,huh? just by a blink of the eye.
but as terrified as i may be,i'm willing to embrace 2010 with a welcome.
i'll held my head up high and brace through another year of obstacles.

the boy is supposed to be off today but then again,a police officer.. *rolls eyes*
what do you expect? you will be called back with either,this or that or anything.
today is MIL's birthday! hehehehe. i have already given her present,yesterday.
and guess what? SHE LOVED IT! rofl. i am glad she loved her present! (((:
well,maybe going to celebrate her birthday today,or later on sunday..

"Stories are, in one way or another, mirrors.
We use them to explain to ourselves,
how the world works or how it doesn't work.
Like mirrors, stories prepare us for the day to come.
They distract us from the things in the darkness."

untitled.

2009-12-16T12:53:00.004+08:00

Listen, the truth is,nothing is guaranteed,
so don't be afraid, be alive.

it's wednesday,wednesday.. sheesh! already?! *GROANS*
time flies and i seem that i'm just stagnant at a place. not moving.
well.. whatever! i am not gonna think about anything. just live it. :P
i am currently listening to leona lewis theme song for AVATAR.. haha.
"I SEE YOU." lol. i've always loved her.. but that movie's kinda weird.

i keep listening to simple plan "untitled".. it kind of bring back memories.
i have the urge to search for my very,very old mp3 that i bought with....... ):
sigh. see? everything has memories & it's kind of sad,really. i hate it.
my very first mp3,bought with him.. the same colour,the same model & all.
and it has almost the same songs,except his are techno,mostly.. hahaha.
i miss you. and i know,you're out there,almost kind of married.
wherever you are,i'll always remember you.

What if I said you never mattered, that I never lost a moment of sleep?
What if I crushed all your dreams, broke all the promises I swore I'd keep.
Tell me how your life would be, if I did to you what you did to me.

there's a family chalet this saturday till monday & i'm looking forward. ((:
it's been a long time since i meet all the little cuzzies and i love quality time!
this sunday,is my MIL birthday's. hahahahaha! i need to buy for her something!
well,i had something in mind already... it's a no brainer,actually. :P
for MIL,it's either handbags,scarfs,brooches... and what? LOL.

the boy,is either sleeping or i don't know what he's doing!!! GOOD GOD.
he always doze off without warning,without even texting me first.. tsskk!
i cannot literally blame him since he just came back from night shift,
but i can always scold him either way... haaaarrrr deeee haaarrrrr.

It's indeed annoying when memories of someone,
who has decided to keep distance is constantly nagging you.
Why can't we just erase them in our minds to prevent us from reminiscing?
After all, no matter how happy these memories are,
all they bring is pain knowing the fact that they're just all part of the past.

the cruelty of life.

2009-12-15T14:23:00.006+08:00

I think when you are young,
you are hoping that this person will be the right one,
the one you are going to be in love with forever.
But sometimes you want that so much,
you create something that isn't really there.

it's a tuesday and yipeee! finally,the pay is in! thank god,cos i'm broke!
and well,i would be broke after this,after i paid all the frigging bills. ):
but all is well! look at the bright side of life... nananananananananana!
as much as i want to, all i want right now is a shot of miracle.

today,i am thinking of going to the gym but something stopped me. haha.
because,the boy won't be there to accompany me! but,there's the little boy.
haaarr deee haarrr. well,we'll see & hopefully,i will get me to exercise!
oh please,i am getting fatter & i hope not to continue that. BLUEEEEKS.

Don't be so blue, I know what you're going through.
Hitting walls and getting scars only makes you who you are.
No matter how much your heart is aching, there is beauty in the breaking.

and wait,i get so FUCKING INFURIATED WHEN I SEE THIS!!!!!!
look down below....

it's an email i received,earlier today and fuck,was i fucking angry!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT THE FUCK? WHAT THE FUCK,SERIOUSLY DUDES?!!!!
you denmarks,shame on yourself! it's fucking dolphins,they are harmless..
dudes,they are fucking harmless & they have nothing wrong to you!!!
killing the HUNDREDS of the famous & intelligent calderon dolphins?????!
and the worst of all,they did this EVERY FUCKING YEAR.
and the ones who are doing this cruelness are the fucking teens.. TEENS?!

and the best of all,most of them are participating one way or another,
looking or helping killing these harmless dolphins.. what the fuck,ya all?!
like all the species of dolphins,they are near extinction & they are friendly!
and the "FUN?!" they are not killed instantly! you know what and how?
they're cut 1,2,3 times with thick hocks! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL....!
fuck,seriously... i almost cried viewing the pictures of this cruelty. ))):

Don't try to explain your mind,
I know what's happening here.
One minute it's love and suddenly it's like a battlefield.

sigh. aren't they anymore loving,sane human beings in this world,no more?
why kill animals? why kill lovable,almost extinct animals?? have you no shame?
suddenly,i had a sudden urge to be an activist & stop all this cruelty around..
sigh. it hurts me to see,it aches my heart. seriously. all this cruelness. )))):

You look at me and smile and I wonder,
have you ever smiled like that to anyone else?

bad romance.

2009-12-14T14:58:00.003+08:00

Treat people as you would like to be treated.
Karma's only a bitch if you are.

little miss red is here,like i've predicted. mood swings,always parched.
the loads of crying,the non-stop whining and getting upset & mad. =/
oh,what the hell. today sucks,everything feels so sucky right now.
and to top it all,it's our 41st. right. so much for it,huh?

gossip girl marathon is up since i have nothing much to do & besides,
new episodes would only air MARCH 2010! WHAT THE FUCK RIGHT?
i know,i know. and until then,gossip girl marathon is on forever! haha..
oh chuck bass,what would i do then without you until march?
heee heee heee.

I think the best and most precious things in life are:
big warm hugs, passionate kisses, the smell of rain,
daydreaming, walking through a field of wildflowers,
smiles from anyone, particularly strangers,
soft cushy pillows, anything chocolate,
and lastly, being loved.

in the mean time..... happy 41st,you.
i know it may seems like a lot right now,everything here & there.
but i know,you'll stand by me through whatever,whenever & forever..
but,until we can figure this out,this thing we're going through,
we can't move on. we'll be stagnant at one place. just there & never moving.
for the record,i love you. will always do.

it's monday blues with menses cramps and mood swings. wow. great!
ever wonder why i don't like mondays? it's always this,this,this & this!!!
i should stop raving,shall i? before i turn this into a ravage entry,
with loads of curse words and much much more frightening eff.
haaarrr deee haaarrrr.

It's not about the big things.
The great gestures, the public displays of affection.
It's all the small things, pieced together one by one.
Like a puzzle,it's no fun unless the pieces are small and the challenge is high.
The little things in life are what makes life worth living.
Making memories, one step at a time.

never run right.

2009-12-13T21:28:00.002+08:00

Set your standards high and never settle for less.
Believe in yourself no matter what,
but don't worry if you stray because,
the most important thing is that you've learned along the way.
Take all you've become to be all that you can be.
Soar high above the clouds, and let your dreams be set free.

sunday. i have nothing more to say. i'm numb. clouded with thoughts.
my mind is in a whirlwind,i don't want to even think but i can't.
goodbye by miley cyrus keep playing on repeat. what does it means?
i'm so fucked up right now,i wish i could just die.

this thing,it isn't normal. i keep having it,keep on and it goes on & on.
ya allah,i know you're there & you'll always be there,stand by me.......
all i want is your guidance now,all i need is a light from you to guide me.

The only reason we hold back is because,
we think we have an endless amount of chances,
or that there will always be one more.
But as time disappears into the past and life goes on,
those chances will run out and you'll either live,
with eternal happiness for being brave, or eternal regret for holding back.

to love and honour.

2009-12-12T11:55:00.002+08:00

I can't force your feelings, I can't make you love me if you don't.
Sure we both can pretend, but that would be anything but fair.

today is 12/12/2009. i wish i could just speed the time to 12/12/12. ((:
but then again,just let me enjoy these few moments of my life. heeeeee.
today's saturday & i'm feeling loads better maybe cos,we're going swimming..
HAHA. i haven't been swimming for ages & i don't have a swimsuit! GREAT.
grrrr,i wish i could just wear shorts & t-shirt like at malaysia. booohooo.

sigh. the boy just came back from his night shift & obviously,snoring now!
he says that around 2pm,he would wake up.. well,let's see okay? i doubt it!
right now,all i want is to update before my internet gets cut off. dang.
plus,it's a nice date aniways... hehehehehehe. :P

You can close your eyes for the things you don't want to see,
you can cover your ears for things you don't want to hear.
You can shut your mouth and act like you don't know,
but you can't deny what was really there.

2 more days to our.. 41st! i guess,time just flies.. it really does.
but alhamdullilah,our relationship is still going on strong & it will.
i haven't bought him anything cos i am broke! HAHA. sigh sigh sigh.
i guess,i would make something custom made,with love and care. heeee.
a card,something,something.. i failed at creativity,if you wanna know...

i've got an interview on monday,it's part time & i guess,i shall try it first.
for the mean time before i found a better paying one,why not right?
at least,there's money in my bank rather than zilch. so,why not go for it?
i'm not some rich born spoil brat with fathers paying for everything!
*ROLLS EYES* i'm not jealous,just don't show off this & that.. please.
your FATHER worked for it,NOT YOU. tsssskkkkk!

Shower the people you love with love,
show them the way that you feel.

at the end of it.

2009-12-11T09:56:00.002+08:00

You can be happy tomorrow.
You can be happy when you get through your list of things to do.
You can be happy when you meet the one.
You can be happy when you get the right job.
You can be happy when you get that raise.
You can be happy when you stop buying the things,
you need and start buying the things you want.
You can be happy when you retire.
You can be happy when the weather suits you.
You can be happy on a plane. You can be happy in the rain.
Or you can stop reading this, take a deep breath, and be happy right now.

it's friday and i'm supposed to be tgif gleefulness today but nah. =/
either i'm frustated at facebook for being such a bitch,slow like hell.
or that,i'm just not feeling well with maybe down with chickenpox.
maybe because,the damn pay is not in yet! what the hell?! fucking slow.
i'm downright broke. pissed off. couldn't care less and sick. GREAT!

sigh. because my pay's not in,the bill's not paid. they gonna cut it. )):
that means,no internet,no hp,no house phone. right. thanks alot huh.
i wish i could just stop everything in this world that needs money.
bloody hell,i can only dream on. come on eff,you're tough & you know it.

Knowing that something won't happen won't make you want it less.

resume is done and soon,i'll be applying for jobs. i can't wait any longer.
well,i can wait. but the piling up of bills and whatnots,certainly can't. =/
sometimes i wish,money would just fall off the sky already!!!! dream on.
well,my dream to be a millionaire is not crush,i'm still on the road to it. (:

facebook is such a bitch when it comes to uploading photos. jeeeeez!
i loathe it. i really do. how many times i have to keep repeating?!!!!
i need to upload the photos before my internet gets cut off. HAHAHA.
that's the other bitchy thing,i need to call my old workplace to check,
whether have they mailed my cheque or they have forgotten. -__-

I've been thinking a lot lately about taking chances,
and how it's really just about overcoming your fears.
Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life,
no matter how it ends up, you're always glad you took it.

if you don't see me updating these few days after tomorrow,that means..
HAAAARRR DEEE HAARRRR. they have already cut off my line. ))):
damn the pay,damn singtel. well,i'll be back. no worries. hehehehe.
once i get my pay,i'll be damn broke again & there will be no pay for me.
great. great. great. life sucks.

I guess when you're young,
you just believe there be many people with whom you'll connect with.
Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times.

goodbye.

2009-12-10T19:35:00.006+08:00

Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone;
and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

hey everyone,i'm back from my holiday with the boy & his family. (:
it was great,stress reliever and finally,i'm back to face with reality!! jeez.
trip to cameron highlands,perak,penang,pulau pangkor & lumut.
finally,the last day was to the boy's auntie's kampung at johor.
somehow,i found peace. i find myself not stressing myself everywhere.

i am on a journey of rediscovering myself. but where do i start?
i have been feeling lost. i don't know who i am anymore. i'm not me.
i don't know where the eff that used to be went to? where is she,dear god?
i know you will guide me through this,i know you will be there.

The saddest thing in the world is,
loving someone who used to love you.

so,i guess,just a few pictures here.. i am so lazy to upload the bunch of it!
as so it seems,it can be viewed at facebook. DUH. hahaha. of course! :P
i wish i can just go back & never come back. well,that would be new york.
it is still my dream place & i know,i will get there,somehow,someday.
who says one can't dream,huh? well. we all can dream & focus on it.

i have been avoiding life. i have been avoiding everyone,to say it.
i really don't know what's wrong with me anymore nor care what is.
i just wish that i could just make it all go away but that's just wishing.
life's tough and you have to toughen it up,eff. you always do.

The closer it is to forever,
the harder it is to let go.

i may have chickenpox and it is so not cool! seriously,dude. please.
the symptoms are there. i have not been feeling well,headaches and such.
and things like pimples been popping out & i can't stop scratching!!! ugh.
i hate it. i hate it. i don't like it. my face,especially. omg,i hate the face!! ):
it's like pimples but worse,if you scratch,the scars would be there for LIFE!

i'm going to the polyclinic tomorrow & hopefully,*cross fingers*,it's not that.
i just hope it's rashes but i doubt it. god. so saddening. i loathe it,very much. ):
if it is what it is,2 weeks of imprisonment at home without going out. =/
how can i imagine life like that?!!!!! WHAT THE HELL.

There's a difference between giving up & letting go.
Giving up is sacrificing what is rightfully yours,
letting go is forgetting what was never yours.

the meaning.

2009-12-02T15:37:00.004+08:00

I want to be the smile, the first thought, the long drive or the short walk,
the last voice, the random call, the sweet dream, the perfect kiss,
the comfort hug, the sparkle in your eye,
the everything you need, just what you want. I want to be yours.

it's 2nd of December and i'm reeling! tonight's the night. har har har.
yeah right,so much for excited.. i'm more nervous that reeling it in. tsk!
i have been listening to bsb since just now. my god. so much fond memories..
right now,all i need is dosage of memories,happy thoughts & the past.
not the past as in past. but you know,happy happy times.. sigh.

i miss school. i miss me. i miss being thin. i miss being free.
i went through the thousands of pictures on my desktop,yesterday..
it brought me back to the times where i was still in school,pizzahut & such.
if only i could turn back time,i would go back and relive all those moments.
nothing,nothing can ever take all those memories away.

I guess a big part of growing up is dealing with regret.Swallowing your pride.
There are some things in life you can't go back & change,
no matter how much you want to.
I think that day I was finally forced to grow up,
to leave the past behind, for one final time.

my bags are packed,sort of. jeez. i don't know what to bring. HAHA.
hope there's wireless connection at Cameron highlands or i'll cry. ))):
well,after that would be perak,pulau pangkor i think? i really don't know.
hahaha. sometimes i wish someone would just take me to new york already!!
these few days,i keep looking up the apartments there,& boy,expensive!!

but no matter,no matter,i shall keep on believing and i'll reach there,somehow.
i'll be back on the 8th,insyallah. safely in singapore. just pray for my well being. (:
hopefully,*cross fingers*,i would be online in msn,facebook or updating. hehehe.
that is,if there's wireless connection in malaysia. *ROLLS EYES*
miss me when i'm gone? xoxo.

Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone;
and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.

if i love you..

2009-12-01T17:54:00.002+08:00

Don't waste your time regretting all your wrongs.
Know that in the end, you'll get what your heart longs.
Try not to risk it all; don't stumble; don't fall.
Take the time to read the writings on the wall.
Hold your head high; don't be afraid to say goodbye.

it's been a while since my latest update. heh. well,here i am though. (:
guess i'm not used to my lappy,or too much doing researching. lol.
life's been here & there. still finding my solace in things. peace.
i do not deny that it is tough. it is taking it's toll on me,but not gonna give up.
i'm still going to stand strong,be determined and find a way. i will.

tomorrow,i would be going on a holiday! yipeee! except,with the IL.
well,kinda awkward & i would be restraining myself often. HAHAHA.
i'm kind of nervous,scared and everything mixed all together.. my first kay!
& i'm gonna meet his aunts,uncles and blah blah blah. dang.
kuala lumpur,cameron highlands,perak... wow. best! heeeeeee.

Stay true and be you. do everything there is to do.
Live life to the fullest and never look back -
There is a reason for the future and a reason for the past.
Love til it hurts; laugh til you cry.

in the meanwhile,today was just gossip girl marathon all the way! :P
since the new ep of season 3 is not air yet,i relived season 2... heeeee.
i just couldn't get enough of CHUCK BASS! kinda miss him being the villain..
but season 3,he's been more charming,more handsome,more romantic!!!!!
and to say,super sexy and hell sweetness!!!!! YUMMMMYYYYYLICIOUS!

i have not been rotting at home,kinda get into business,more like it?
been writing,been doing articles for true blood! i'm officially a beginner writer.
i'll give you guys the link when i get better & not lamer when i write... HAHA.
also,been researching so much on certain internet marketing & such.
see? it's not all it seems to be. I AM NOT ROTTING AT HOME.

And when your life flashes before you die,
Be happy for what you've done,
Be happy for what you've overcome,
And most of all, be proud of what you've become.

in the meantime,i shall pack up my bags to get ready to leave,tomorrow!
i can't believe it's december already! *GROANS* oh,btw,HAPPY DECEMBER!
i know,i know. tell me about it! it all seems so fast. we're saying goodbye to 2009!
it's going to be 2010... my god! it's only yesterday that i'm embracing 09. sigh.
guess that time really flies without us noticing it or either way...

no matter what,i'm ready to welcome the new year,not. well,just not yet.
let me reminisce and see what i have done in 2009 & look upon it..
i will pray that 2010 will be a start of something new,something old.
hello december,let's roll.

I live in notes and photographs
and everything I'm holding back
but you're the words that weren't enough.

breaking.

2009-11-21T15:04:00.002+08:00

you only find a few people in this world,
a few people who will tell you they love you,
and actually mean it with all their heart.
don't forget those people who stood by you through it all,
the special few that were there for you until the end.

hey,it's almost the end of november & here i am,updating after all. :P
it's been a while since i update isn't it? i miss blogging. my apologies.
my lappy hasn't been fully refurbished with my documents & pictures.
so right now,i'm using the old desktop & updating pictures & all.
just be patient with me,hehehehehehe. (:

how's life so far? promising,but what's life without its unfairness huh?
life always has it mysteries,its ups & downs,everything that you have to endure.
you get it don't you? well,for the moment,i am contented. alhamdullilah.
my family is in good shape,me and the boy are on the right track.
and hopefully,there will be more good news to come in the future. ((:

sometimes, no matter how much faith we have, we lose people.
but you never forget them, and sometimes,
it's those memories that give us the strength go on.

yesterday,was my secondary school's reunion dinner aka alumni.
it was great seeing everyone after how many goddamn long years..
& even though it was incomplete with people missing,still. it's as good.
and hopefully,*cross fingers* that,the years to come,we're still as one.
last night made me realized that i truly missed school. i miss all those times..
and i would really do anything to go back & rewind all of them,bit by bit.
sure,i may have regrets along the way but,that what makes me now right?

all my friends are somewhat in the right track,some working,some schooling.
i wish i was still in school & it's never too old to learn.. i know. i will do it.
who knows what the future holds? but am glad as hell that i'm still coping.
life's short,life's precious & i somehow learnt my lesson after a friend's accident.
that i can never take life ever so lightly & even at any age or time,you may go.
sure,life's funny,life's a bit harsh. but there's no reason not to treasure it,right?
as day goes by,i have tried to accept my life as it is,love it willingly...
who knows,you might be the next to go.......?

friendship means understanding, not agreement.
it means forgiveness, not forgetting.
it means the memories last, even if contact is lost.

i shall update soon & more regularly,as usual. i promise! (:
once i have done updating my lappy with pictures & such,i will...
for now,updates are always available at facebook! HAHA. mostly,status.
whatnots & pictures... hahaha. so well,till then.
xoxo.

friends are the ones, who, if you had nothing but them-
you'd still have it all.

39th.

2009-10-14T18:23:00.003+08:00

The thing about addiction is, it never ends well.
Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high,
stops feeling good, and starts to hurt.
Still, they say you don't kick the habit until you hit rock bottom.
But how do you know when you are there?
Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes,
letting it go hurts even worse.

my 2nd day off before tomorrow,because it's the last day!!!! ))):
boohooo. time flies very fast. i hate it,i hate it. please freeze the time.
sigh. facebook is annoying the hell out of me,lagging shits. seriously.
jeez. it seems that facebook has already became my life. HAHA.

the boy and i,we had a wonderful celebration together. heeeee. ((:
more,to be elaborate at my lj. i'm glad the boy love my presents..
and he was smiling,smiling & smiling my favorite smileeeeeeeeeee.
i'm so elated that i made his 21st birthday an unforgettable one!

I want to look up at the stars for answers.
Because they know me best.

happy 39th,you. we have come to the month,yet again.
and here we are still,holding on and going on strong for each other.
my love for you still remains the same,stronger everyday it seems.
people say,after they reach a certain time,love will fade... but,no.
we may be naive at some points of time,but i believe we can go through.

39 months,i still have butterflies in my stomach whenever you smile.
i still feel that like a part of me is missing when i don't see you for a day.
when i don't see you for 3 days & then i saw you after,i feel like it's the first time.
this may be mushy,or whatever you may want to say but i love you.
i love you,despite everything we have gone through. i still love you.
and i will continue to love you,till the end of time. xoxo.

Loss: something inevitable and indescribable.
Leaving you without hope, and without love.

xoxo.

2009-10-12T22:55:00.004+08:00

I was beginning to see, though,
That the unknown wasn't always the greatest thing to fear.
The people who know you the best can be riskier,
Because the words they say
And the things they think have the potential to be not only scary,
But true, as well.

it's almost midnight & i should bath! sheesh. so much for this & that.
today,officially starts my 4 off days! yipeeeee dabeeee doooooo! (:
rest,rest,rest! tomorrow,celebrating the boy's belated birthday.. heee.
only people at livejournal knows what's my plan lah hor?! hehehehehe.
so far,everything is going on well. the boy loved his presents! yay!

gah! i'm having a pimple breakout due to stress,keep getting angry,
& mostly,the pimple product finish!!!!!!! GRRRRR. i need to buy tomorrow!
by hook or by crook,i want my flawless skin face back. chey! mcm phm!
i LOATHE PIMPLES. totally LOATHE them so oh very much! tsssk!

You know it's an important thing,
Saying I love you to the people that matter most.
because you'll never know when you'll lose them,
OR when they'll lose you.

CALLING ALL EX-CCKSSIANS!!! read your facebook inbox!!! PLEASE!
i've sent all the possible peoples in my friend list that are former cckssians..
& if any of you who came across here are from the school,please refer.
someone is hosting a reunion party for ALL THE BATCHES ON 20 NOV.
the ticket only cost $15 & why do i say it's worth it?! IT'S RELIVING IT.
what's more delightful that reliving the times you had in the school,
with all your friends,mere crushes,ex-es or jerks surrounding you? HAHA.
SO SIGN UP NOW! (:

and so....

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY,BOY!!!!!!! <3
you have turn a year older,i hope you're wiser. LOL. :P
somewhat people call the age where you got the key,here you are.
many,many happy returns! may you live till ripe old age....
may you be blessed with happiness & love throughout,insyallah.
& i pray that our relationship will last till forever,if it ever exist.
i love you,very much sayang. xoxo.

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY,NAFI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well,you may not come across here,nor ever want to have come..
but then again,many happy returns to you too! may you be blessed.
& that you be happy with your girlfriend & that insyallah,
moge panjang umor,murah rezeki.... (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i may not see you often anymore,now that you've grown up...
badan pon da sapau mcm abang2 body builder. HAHAHAHAHAHA. :P
may you be blessed,may happiness,love & wealth bestow upon you.
hope you will make mama & ayah proud & that you will achieve in life.
take care & i hope to see you sooooon! ((:

goodbyes make you think. they make you realize who you had,
what you've lost, and what you've taken for granted.

i can wait forever.

2009-10-08T18:17:00.004+08:00

In life, we do things. Some, we wish we had never done,
and some we wish we could replay a million times,
but they make us who we are and, in the end, they shape and detail us.
If we were to reserve them, we wouldn't be the person we are today.
So, just live. Make mistakes and have wonderful memories.
But, never second guess who you are, where you've been and,
most importantly,where you're going.

thursday already?!!! so fast right! sigh. sigh. sigh.
today,half day of work & went home straight. granny came & all.
even with half day,i am still feeling so knackered & so lethargic. )):
work has really taking it's toll on me. here & there with so many things to do.
so stress nak mampos ah!!!!!!!

right now,am tweeting,blogging,downloading songs,facebook-ing.
wait,i forgot. while watching true blood. heh. so much to do,so little time!
i hadn't had enough sleep nor rest & i get so cranky everytime...
what is happening to me?! only 20 years old & already getting older.
BAAAAHHHHHHHH.

Sometimes i wonder if anything's absolute anymore.
Is There Still right and wrong? Good and bad? Truth and lies?
Or is everything negotiable,left to interpretation, grey.
Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth, transform it,
cause we're faced with things that are not of our own making.
And sometimes things simply catch up to us.

i met this boy before he went off to work just now. )))):
i am already missing him & just by seeing him,makes my heart melts.
he was waiting for me from far & he was giving me,the favorite smile...
hehehehehehe. it's like i fell in love over & over again loh....
this boy really knows how to pull the heartstrings of my heart. (:
it's 4 more days already!!!!! *GRINS WIDELY*

i watched GOSSIP GIRL season 3 episode 4 yesterday.. OMGZZZ!
i love,love,love,love sekali!!! kept me wanting it more & more & more..
jeez. especially the part when blair flared up when he saw chuck with jenny!
when chuck bass said,"when you remember blair waldorf,remember that i'm
chuck bass & that i love you." and he kissed blair so tenderly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's chuck bass for god's sake! he always,always have a way with me..
*SWOONS*

Sometimes two hearts just can't dance at the same beat.

if life was simpler..

2009-10-07T16:22:00.002+08:00

"But sometimes,
we just have to be happy with what people can offer us.
Even if it's not what we want, at least it's something.
You know?"

it's wednesday and i had to wake up early as 7 just now,sacrifice myself..
MEETING on my off day. SHEEEESSSHHHHH. what to do?
and now,i couldn't even fucking sleep in bloody peace ah! goddamn it!
from 1 pm just now,assholes upstairs have been drilling & fucking drilling..
even with maximum volume on my itouch,it's still..... ANNOYING AH!
sigh. all the "don't get mad or irritated easily" mantra is NEVER GOING TO WORK.

i get mad easily,get irritated very easily & always get so fucked up! HAHA.
you can ask the boy.. poor boy! always the person where i vent on. heh.
sigh. sigh. sigh. am off to my aunt's house at yishun,where i could at least,
have some peace & quiet,i think. like i would. the kids! *rolls eyes*

the way you fit into my arms that night,
i'll remember that feeling for the rest of my life.

the boy's birthday is in 5 more days & i'm sure ready. get set,GO.
the surprise's ready,the present's ready & everything is ready. yay! (:
everyone's 21st birthday has to be special & that's what am going to give him.
well,i hope it's not too much & that he would love it.. hehehehehe.

october,october... i still want to raya sey. ): i have yet to raya with the boy.
so sad nak mampos sia. i hope this saturday works ah. )))))))))))))))))):
but whatever it is,i cannot wait for next week!!!! heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Maybe that's what happens;
you fall in love to fall apart,
& yet you'll always want to do it again.

hello october.

2009-10-01T22:06:00.002+08:00

nobody wants to hear this,but sometimes the person
that you want the most,is the person that you're best without.

i can't risk not having the 1st day of a new month without updating!
and,so here i am. (: hello october! so far,1st of october is full of love.
despite being angry,irritated all the time,i am filled with love & care..
it's a very good way to start a new month with.. october,be good.

i am still complementing on what to do for the boy,this & that.
i just got all stressed up planning for his so called,"BIG" DAY!
heeee! it's not everyday you see a boy turning 21,the time of the life,they say.
but thinking of what's coming,i don't want to keep on looking. seriously..
it's going to be the end of the year soon,i'm turning 21 next year. 21!! JEEZ.

It’s funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye,
It's funny how good memories can start to make you cry.
It’s funny how forever never seems to really last,
It's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past.

The Last Song by Nicholas Sparks.
seventeen year old veronica miller life turned upside down when,
her parents divorced & her family moved to north carolina..
3 years & she remained alienated from her family & never speaking to her dad.
until then,her mother tells that she & her brother were to spend the whole summer,
with her dad. ronnie's rebellious & resentful & did things to anger her dad.
but when she meets will,the person she never thought she would fall for,
she finds herself opening up to the greatest happiness & pain.
5/5 stars!

i highly recommends n. spark's latest book,if you're looking for a good read.
he always has a way with his readers. always knows to pull the heartstrings of,
his readers heart... it's wonderful,heartbreaking & really opens up your eyes.
i cried,cried & cried till the end of the book. seriously,GO READ IT.

The truly painful goodbyes,
are the ones that are never said,
and never explained.

goodbye september.

2009-09-30T22:31:00.004+08:00

Love can tear you apart,and kill you.
But if you're lucky,it can put you back together.

dang! i missed yesterday's date,which is BTW,quite nice. sheesh.
yesterday's was 29/09/09. but neverminds,it slipped. heeeeeee.
today,as all of you may know... it's the end of september!!! I KNOW! ):
time just flies. and flies. and flies. and flies. never ends.
plus,it's getting scarier by the minute,actually. SIGH SIGH SIGH.

i didn't know we could feel the tremor of the earthquake till,
my regular customers called me to ask whether i felt it too. -_____-
jeez. what do you expect? I CANNOT FEEL ANYTHING. NOT AT ALL.
but it's very eerie lah actually.. of which,i couldn't feel it.
imagine,sekali the whole building collapse without warning eh!

When someone breaks your heart,
Don't walk away. Stay and fight.
And sometimes it's better the second time around.

tomorrow,it marks a new month & i hope october won't disappoint me.
thank you,september.. you have served me well indeed. even with hiccups.
september may have or may not be the worst month but it did gave me joy.
i think,"wake me up when september ends" no longer will occur. (:
september comes,september goes. but thank you,september..

after the first of the day of a new month tomorrow,it's 11 more days!!!!!
the boy's 21st BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! OMGZZZZZ. i am soooo dead meat.
i want his 21st to be special,be what he really look forward to.
just pray,pray that it would be a good one for the one i love the most..
i'm really crossing my fingers & am already hoping!!!!! GOOD LUCK,EFF!

Your heart just breaks,That's all.
But you can't judge or point fingers.
You jsut have to be lucky enough,
to find someone who appreciates you.

give it time..

2009-09-28T11:37:00.002+08:00

It’s not the big events that hurt the most,
but rather the smallest questionable shift in tone,
at the end of a spoken word that
can plow most deeply into the heart.

1 week of raya has almost passed us,huh? time flies,time flies...
not so much raya-ing this year.. well. not surprise at all. not at all.
but i had fun this raya,a bit more lively than last year's raya. (:
and we covered quite a few houses on the first day even though,
i was working & had to continue on after work again. hehehehe.

today,is my off day. damn the pay. if not,i would be on the way to bugis!!
sigh. my wadrobe has almost malfunctioning. it seriously needs A BOOST!
before boosting it more,i need to lose more weight lah! TSSSK.
i gained so much weight back instead of losing it on ramadhan.... ))):
GAAAAHHHHHHH.

Success is often achieved by those,
who don't know that failure is inevitable.

work is hell,as usual. books coming in like nobody's business. dang.
but for now,for today,all i wanna think about is rest. rest. rest.
then back to work,work,work! YAY! yay abes ah doh! hahahaha.
the boy's birthday is coming soon,OMGZ. what to do,what to buy?!
by the time pay comes in again,am gonna be broke,broke,broke. )):

i'm thinking of buying for the boy,a gadget. he hinted something..
but he have a psp already what!!! why haven't pass ur tp ah boy?!
i buy for you gilera kan senang! hahahahahaha. mcm paham!
aiya! so difficult ah finding presents for guys,especially...........
the ones whom you love the most! irritating gilerrrr ahhhh.

Sometimes you cannot believe what you see.
You have to believe what you feel.
And if you are ever going to have other people to trust you,
you must feel that you can trust them too.
Even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling.

syawal tiba.

2009-09-19T16:33:00.002+08:00

Life changes. You get it all lined up just the way you like it,
& then something beyond your control comes along & bumps you off center.
How nice it would be if you could get everything just the way you want it & say,
'Okay, now, stay.' But nothing stays the same.
You grow up, make friends,lose friends, go to college, lose track of people,
meet new ones,& sometimes you ask yourself why.
But all I can tell you is the every single experience,
you go through like this changed you in some way.
Every new person who comes into your life changes you.
Every moral dilemma or emotional experience you come up against changes you.
It`s your job, you decide how. That`s how character is developed.

it's been a long time isn't it since i updated? now,ramadhan almost ending!
the holy month,ends & syawal will emerge. how fast huh? sigh. time really flies!
it just felt that it was only yesterday,that we have started fasting.... ):
when fasting starts,we want it over & done with,but when it ends... the other way!
it feels like,time's moving too fast.. i can't catch up.

today's my off day.. tomorrow working but will only be at 3 pm. sad,eh?
second day of hari raya,holiday too & am working again. ))): BAH.
every raya,there's a different feeling to it. i'm gonna hear the takbir at night. ):
it's always like a routine,and every year,i would feel the pinch & cry.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.

I,EFF CULLEN BASS. hehehehehehe!
saye ingin mengucapkan selamat hari raya kepada semua yang menyambutnya!
maaf zahir dan batin. ampunkan segala dosa2 saya,halalkan makan dan minum ye?
kalau tersalah kata,termakan benda,terminum air... harap maklum! (:
sekali lagi,SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the last song.

2009-09-07T01:33:00.002+08:00

It hurts to say goodbye to the person you almost gave your life to.
Because you know life won't be the same without him.
But it's better to give up a feeling,than to fight.
And know you're the only one fighting.

hey,hasn't it been a long time already? good god,it has.. sheesh.
it's already the 6th september. first week of a new month has already gone. =/
time flies,really. plus,it's already the 16th of RAMADHAN. OMGDNESS.
well,aniways,thank god blogger bug is already gone. thank goodness. (:
i have been waiting for it to get fixed like FOREVER!

how's life so far? it has been reasonably fine,as what it may seems to be.
here & there,i'm still coping & alive. work's been hell too! stocktake coming!!
god,i HATE stocktake while it's the fasting month. early mornings,late nights..
busy,busy & messy store. good god. i'm so dreading it. )))):

As a matter of fact,I don't know what love is.
But you know who taught me? Yes, you.
You taught me that love has ups and downs
And love is strong and thin.You taught me that love is no game,
And something real.Something you have to take care of.
Something that isn't worthy any amount of money.
Something that can't be seen or felt.
You taught me every single thing I know about love.

now that blogger is fixed,you see a happy me blogging almost EVERYDAY.
be prepare to get bored,moan,groan over my every updates! hehehehehe. :p
well,exaggerating a bit only hor. heh. i'm so knackered!!! JEEZ.
what to do? you work for a living,a living is what you work for....

before i start to ramble & rave nonsense & make you all feel like puking,
i better end today's entry! (: I IS VERY HAPPY TODAY. thanks,blogger!
i need to get some rest,some decent sleep... like,NOW! PRONTO!
well,goodnight world. i see you when i see you. xoxo.

Your heart just breaks,that's all.
But you can't judge or point fingers.
You jsut have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.

somewhere near you.

2009-08-26T10:13:00.002+08:00

"I used to think of you that way, you know. Like the sun.
My personal sun. You balanced out the clouds nicely for me."
He sighed. "The clouds I can handle. But I can't fight with an eclipse."

i felt like it was super long since i last updated or not? blogger. sigh.
the reason i don't update often was because of blogger lah please! )):
it's still being a prat,apparently! but,please.. get well soon,blogger.
i don't wish to always waking up to blogger being this. sheessh.

today,is wednesday & off day,thank god. i'm so tired these days!! =/
what more it being the fasting month? running here & there,work load!
today,accompanying kak nurul to far east for her to do her hair.. lol.
she with forever doing her hair,forever want to change it this & that.
talking about hair,i have to do something to my hair,too. for raya.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *kening naik-naik*

There are just some people you always go back to.

it's the 5th day,alhamdullilah. so far,so good. i'll hope it continue.
little miss red,i beg you do not visit me till end of september,i hope.
well,though impossible.. i hope you wait a little bit longer before visiting..
hehehehehe. i want to terawih,fast & do everything in this holy month. (:

to my people i love birthdays that i missed because of work & blogger,
here goes nothing....

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY EMIRA!!! <3
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DARLS EHA!!! <3
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY NINIE!!!!!!!!!!!! <3

may all of you be blessed with happiness & love throughout... (:
may god blessed all of you till ripe old age & have a happy life!
a year older again,a year full of obstacles ahead. life is funny in every way..
may all of you succeed in everything you do.. lots of love!!!!
i love all of you,no doubt! ((:

"You see, you closed your eyes. That was the difference.
Sometimes you cannot believe what you see,
you have to believe what you feel.
And if you are ever going to have people trust you,
you must feel that you can trust them, too —
even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling"

salam ramadhan.

2009-08-23T12:37:00.002+08:00

They're each other worst habits,after all they've been through.
after all the fights, breakups, and abuse,they still go back to each other.
Old habits are hard to break.

i didn't had a chance to wish all muslims out there,
selamat menyambut ibadat puasa,everyone!! it's the holy month! (:
how time flies,huh? it's already the 2nd day,alhamdullilah.
little miss red hasn't been haunting me yet,i hope not too early.
if possible,i want to fast fully this month. heh.

work's been a hell of a ride. i am still coping,still surviving.
there may be here & there,full of obstacles but i shall make it.
i will make it through this rain,like how mariah carey sings it..
i shall get up again & prove myself,prove to them! I SHALL.

I don't blame you anymore for my unhappiness.
I loved, and I lost, but this bitterness is slowly going away.

i think i really,really need to control my anger. sigh.
it's getting out of hand.. what's happening to me? why god?
why am i easily irritated? scold people for nothing? WHY?!!
i don't want to get old fast,grow into a old hag who loves to nag!
well,i'm not one. i really am not. but why am i like this?!!!
ARGHHHHH. breathe.

dear god,please guide me through this,i'm sure you will.
i'm asking your guidance,to let me through this path i'm going..
ya allah,i know you are testing me & i know life will be better..

Every morning it was the same battle,the same endless fight.
One that she was forced to fight every morning.
One that she would never win. I'll never win with you.

as you wish.

2009-08-17T13:09:00.003+08:00

Hold your head high; don't be afraid to say goodbye.
Stay true and be you. do everything there is to do.
Live life to the fullest and never look back -
There is a reason for the future and a reason for the past.

i wish life would just be simpler,sometimes..
well,don't we all feel that life's unfair?
but dear god,
i know that you have plans for me & someday,
you're gonna roll the dice again.
and fate will be different. =/

Love til it hurts; laugh til you cry.
And when your life flashes before you die,
Be happy for what you've done,
Be happy for what you've overcome,
And most of all, be proud of what you've become.

beautiful life.

2009-08-14T12:42:00.003+08:00

I've been learning to live without you.
But I miss you sometimes. I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter.
But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to shatter.
But I think it's about forgiveness.
Forgiveness. Even if you don't love me anymore.

HAPPY 37TH,HONEY BEE. <3
it's been a wonderful journey with you & you know it. (:
nothing can ever replace the love i have for you,sayang...
even though we do have our ups & downs moments,you know i still am with you.
and nothing,can ever,ever changed that. i love you.

this was supposed to be yesterday but as usual,a day later. heh!
& dang flabbit,blogger is STILL NOT WORKING PROPERLY! jeez!
same goes to facebook. SWEET NIBLETS!!!! WHAT THE HELL?!!!!!!
god. technology drives me crazy sometimes... LIKE REAL CRAZY!
for god's sake!

Don't waste your time regretting all your wrongs.
Know that in the end, you'll get what your heart longs.
Try not to risk it all; don't stumble; don't fall.
Take the time to read the writings on the wall.

i'm watching HANNAH MONTANA! hahahaha! i know,right? lol.
it's all NATALYA'S FAULT! it's all because of her!! haaaaaa.
i love cartoons! plus,hannah montana just really cracks me up!
SWEET NIBLETS! hehehehehehehe. toodles! till then. xoxo.

He was different. he never said,
"i want to be friends" after he said goodbye.
It was like he knew, he knew that he had broken my heart bad enough,
when he saw my tears fall.
He knew me well enough that he knew just what to say.
And when he spoke, he looked me in the eyes and said,
"I hope you talk to me again someday."

it seems all real.

2009-07-29T23:41:00.002+08:00

Is anybody satisfied with who they really are?
You could be the moon,and still be jealous of the stars.

it was a wednesday. i think,a wednesday to remember very much. ):
a hurtful wednesday & still,i find solace in it. weird much? but,yes.
i find comfort,i think that i'm already trying to overcome my darkest fear.
some people may want to say what they want but this is me. it is.

i am right now,playing pet society & meanwhile,waiting for the boy. sigh.
i hate fishing in reality & fishing in pet society! i know,no connection at all.
but,i is may seem unlucky that i cannot seem to catch any fish at all!
it all was for,"the fish got away." GODDAMN IT PLEASE!!! grrrrrrrr..

The ones stuck in the past are eventually,
the ones fighting to get out of it,
while everyone else is wishing to go back.

i have now,11,705 coins for effy in pet society & i AM TEMPTED TO USE!
if only i have that much money in my bank account right now. SIGH. =/
well,DREAM ON AH EFF! keep on dreaming,maybe one day,you'll get it! haaa. =p
speaking of which,my bank account almost DRY. ALREADY?!! i know right?
it's only 30th of JULY & I AM ALREADY MONEY-DRIED. SIGH SIGH SIGH.
god,save me.

it's almost closed to midnight now & i really need to take a bath.
i finished 2 books today & i'm already finishing the 3rd book. (:
maybe after this,while waiting for the boy,i shall finish it.
well,ta everyone. na nights,world.

love is the condition in which the happiness,
of another person if essential to your own.

knock you down.

2009-07-28T18:32:00.004+08:00

In this life you need to realize one thing --
The only way not to get hurt is to hurt someone first.

it's a tuesday & i thought i would have a fun-filled day at work,but no.
ms red just have to come at this time,huh? she really spoils my mood.
not only it is bloody goddamn painful but excruciatingly sighness. )):
till i can't walk,i can't smile nor laugh. i want to just SCREAM!!!
i hate. i hate. i hate the time of the month. jeez.

today is bestfriend's birthday & i hate blogger for this!! SIGH.
where are all the normal posts? the normal things blogger used to have?!
stupid,stupid. problems after problems after problems..
when would all this end huh,blogger? would you be good,for once?!

People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places.
Like secret road maps of their personal histories.
Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal,
leaving nothing behind but a scar, but some of them don't.
Some wounds we carry with us everywhere,
and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.

and today,someone's special day...........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTFRIEND!!!!!! ((:
welcome to the 20 SEN CLUB! hehehehe. do not deny it,please!! =p
whatever it is,you're still a budak kecik to me!! BLUERKS AH! hahaha.
you're a year older today & i hope it would bring you more happiness..
& that you will be blessed till ripe old age,insyallah.
i love you tons,sayang!!! <3 *lots & lots of loving from me*

so,now,i'm going to have a rest before the cramps started again. =/
but right now,i am relieved. i am feeling much,much better from just now.
just now was worst. it almost literally drained all the energy outta me.
i almost couldn't walk,couldn't smile nor laugh. sheeessh.

Have you ever thought that if one thing hadn't happened,
a whole set of things never would have either?

the pain,it lingers.

2009-07-27T12:27:00.003+08:00

People have scars, in all sorts of unexpected places.
Like secret road maps of their personal histories.
Diagrams of all their old wounds.
Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar,
but some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere,
and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.

i do not know what is wrong with blogger! sheesh.
when would all these bugs stop destroying my means to update!!!!
i know,it's been a while since i updated! it's going to be a new month soon!!!
time flies,huh? it's going to be the month of fasting already! )):

today,is monday and thank god it's my off day! i hate mondays. =/
it irks me & sometimes,it annoys the hell of out me! jeez. lucky me!
but i hope today won't annoy the shit outta me cos i want to rest..
i'm tired of working,working,getting nothing & only getting shits.
but they say,"when the going gets tough,the tough gets going.."

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was flat?
That way we could just push off the people we don't like.

the boy has been unmistakably sweet lately & it's a good sign. i hope?
it's good for us,good for me only that he would be more irritating!!!
it annoys me,it sometimes made me laugh so hard that i wish i could strangle him!
that boy really knows how to make me tick! SIGH.

the baby boy's birthday is coming up & now,A TRANSFORMERS CAKE! -_____-
i am becoming more bankrupt & broke than it ever was left. sigh.
god,save me please? this little boy is small but VERY DEMANDING.
jeez.

Never underestimate the pain of a person,
because the truth is everyone is struggling.
It's just some people hide it better than others.

a walk to remember.

2009-07-15T11:47:00.005+08:00

At one time in your life,
the one you have loved the most will unexpectedly turn out to be,
the greatest stranger you have ever met.

*YAWNS* i am still sleepy,maybe after this i go back to sleep! heh.
today is my off day but i got a lot to do since my dear mother is out!
i have to clean the house,sleep & eat & eat. hahahaha! *ROFL*
but later in the afternoon,have to fetch the baby boy from school.
sigh sigh.

work is hell,as usual. not enough staffs,run here & there. bleargh.
stocks always & forever comes in like crazy,never ending. sheesh!
it's going to be august soon,so sad. july is ending!! JULY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
time always pass us by so fast,very very fast huh? )):

and so yesterday was......

HAPPY 3RD,BABE!
the day has finally come,huh? it's the 14th of july,some time,this day,
3 years ago,i fell in love with you & i haven't regretted it since then. (:
it's been 3 years hell of a ride,don't you think so baby? & we made it through!
i'm glad that even after 3 years,i still find myself deeply in love with you.
thank you,for still loving me all these while.

yesterday,to celebrate,the boy and i went to catch ICE AGE 3,3D!!!!! (:
it's very hilarious!! you all should go & catch it.. 5/5 popcorn stars!
throughout the whole show,you guys would be laughing & laughing...
HAHA! i feel like watching it again & again. cannot wait for HARRY POTTER!
SATURDAY,SATURDAY! <3

The beautiful thing about memories is that they are yours,
whether they are good, bad or indifferent.. they belong to you.
& no matter where life takes you, your memories tie you to where you've been.

in order.

2009-07-12T17:54:00.004+08:00

You'll never know how strong you are,
until being strong is the only choice you have.

it's SUNDAY!!!!! my final day of weekend rest & it's back to hell! sheesh.
i wonder how's the state of the store,right now eh? hmmmmmm! messy,confirm!
but right now,my sunday is all i want to think about.. my sunday!!
just rest,watch tv.. read books. laze around & just exercise a bit?! HAAAAAA!
so much for exercise? the boy stuffed food inside my mouth!! LOL!

half of the day today was spent with the boy,celebrating our advance ann! (:
i bought for him his pressie & presented to him.. the look on his face,PRICELESS!
if you're wondering what? as usual,it's his graphic novels... *ROLLS EYES*
a stack of spiderman graphic novels collection,just for him. hehh.
it will only take him,1 day to finish all... that if he's not working! (:

Sometimes we take for granted the people
in our lives that mean so much.
& when we finally realize that, it can be too late
Take advantage of every minute you have,
hold onto & cherish every second.
Have no regrets & never forget those that made you who you are.

i think another celebration will be a belated one on tuesday? KRIK?
i think so ah. because,yours truly is working on that day & want to take,
hours off from work so that i can spend time with my boy! hehehehehehehe.
3 years sure pass by very fast huh? in just a blink of an eye!!!
and the next thing you know,it's already 2010!!! OMGZ! so scary,right!

and i'm hooked to TWEET DECK! ZOMG! it's very3,addictive & NICE!
i keep changing colours,i keep on tweeting like nobody's business.. HEH!
it's like i'm tweeting & replying to tweets every second. heh! LAME.
twitter is really,really addictive! if you have thoughts like every second,
JUST BLAST IT OFF! hahahahahahahaha. i do that,everytime! ROFL.

Never be afraid to try something new,
because life gets boring when you stay within the limits
of what you already know.

on the other side.

2009-07-11T15:12:00.003+08:00

Sometimes you just can't tell someone how you feel.
Not because you don't trust them, and you think they'll think you're weird,
but because you can never really find the right words to make them understand.

it's saturday,bitches!!!! yayyy! i am on my 2 days off on weekends! heee!
alhamdullilah,i am feeling better,i'm up and alive after being sick for 2 days! (:
vitamin c helps alot,trust me. right now,i think i need to take it regularly!
plus,exercise tooo! yeah,right. HAHAHAHAHAHA! *ROLLS EYES*

the boy is working today,it's 3 more days!! i am so mentel like that. heh.
i have already bought for him something,wrote the card,which only left with..
i have a big picture to print,a small cake to buy later,etc.. etc! hahahahaha.
it may be simple & it has to be celebrated earlier because we both,are busy!!!
right. so much for being busy eh? *ROFL* yes what! our schedules clashed!

Anything is possible.
Someone can tell you you have a 90% chance,
a 50% chance,or even a .0001% chance,
but if you don't try,if you don't fight,you get nothing.

right now,i am taking all my strength,my everything to make it happened.
i'm taking a risk here. i am going to need all the courage & support i have..
because,i,for one believe that i can do it. well,a bit. a little tiny one.
there's no point staying when people don't appreciate your hard work!
you slaved,you worked like hell & what did you get? NOTHING! ZILCH.
but the ones who get noticed are who? the bootlickers! the FAVORITES!
damn you all. i do not believe in sucking up like that. NO.

aniways,back to being normal & not angry. hahahahaha. i am insane,i know!
yesterday was certified,my most clumsiest day ever! wait,when i haven't been?!
hahaha. i am the clumsiest,silliest & dumbest ever! haaaarrr deeee haaaarrr!
well,today maybe watching fireworks from changi or east coast? haha.
i do not want to go to town without the boy. -_________-

Sometimes you need a breakdown.
One of those yell at everyone,cry until you fall and can’t breathe,
kind of breakdowns.Then you feel better.
And if you don’t,at least people will know your not okay.

not too far.

2009-07-09T21:09:00.002+08:00

If you asked me a year ago, I would have told you what you wanted to hear.
Now, I know I can't please everyone, and I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings.
I can't make myself unhappy to please you, and I won't try.

it's thursday,my official off day. hahahaha. i am kurangajar like that. haha.
but tomorrow,is back to work,work,work! bluergh. it makes me puke. -__-
today was just me,spending quality time with myself & have some rest..
sigh,you don't know how good it felt to be lying down & doing NOTHING!
literally,just nothing!!! except,that my heart is just sore. )):

sigh. i am sighing,actually from just now till now & then. why,you ask?
do not ask me,for i have never had the answer to why i'm always sighing.
because maybe sometimes,sighing is just the only way to an answer..
right now,it feels like i have a heavy heart. something holding me back?
am i making the right decision? should i stay or should i go?

All the hardest, coldest people you meet,
were once as soft as water.
And that's the tragedy of living.

HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY,BABY!!!!!
you have turned yet,another year older.. hehehehehe. (:
do not be discouraged,because babe,you're going to be in the 20 state,
just like the rest of us.. enjoy your teenage years as much as you can!!
may your relationship with aliff last long till eternity kay? insyallah.
and may you be bless till ripe old age. i love you! <3

and to zara,if you ever come across here again.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
i know that you're now,having your daily updates at multiply,
& you may or may not come across here.. but hey,a wish is still a wish!
may you be blessed till ripe old age & that your relationship with sop,too.
the best wishes from me,babe! (:

Always tell someone how you feel.
Even if it's hard because opportunities,
are lost in the blink of an eye,
but regret can last for a lifetime.

heal the world.

2009-07-08T19:34:00.003+08:00

People can tell you to keep your mouth shut,
but it doesn't stop you having your own opinions.
Even if people are still very young,
they shouldn't be prevented from saying what they think.

the second day of mc. god,am so bored but am recovering,alhamdullilah.
it got worst though,actually,when i watched MJ's memorial service on tv.
will have more on that,later part of today's entry. sodding sad. ):
i hate medicines,have i told you bunch lately? yes,i guess so.
and.... HURRAAAHHH! blogger has stop being an ass! hehehehehehe.

today part of the day was very heartbreaking. more on that on.. LJ! (:
well,at LJ,i got my certain part of privacy & only certain friends can view,
so yeah.. a girl needs her privacy right? everyone does need it.
worst come to worst,there's my little black book diary whom always,
accompany me in times of my sadness,my grieve,my happiness & everything.

I think that's what's wrong with the world;
no one says what they feel, they always hold it inside.
They're sad, but they don't cry. They're happy, but they don't sing or dance.
They're angry, but they don't scream. 'Cause if they do, they feel ashamed.
And that's the worst feeling in the world.
So everyone walks with their heads down and
no one sees how beautiful the sky really is.

Michael Jackson (1958-2009). RIP,my beloved MJ.
his legacy will live on,forever & forever & forever. it truly will.
no one can replace his music,his ways of entertainment,for he's truly a legend.
he's our king of pop whose achievement & music will never be forgotten.
because,no matter what the media said about him,i believed that,
he is his purest at heart & all he wanted to do was heal the world.

i really totally lost it when MJ's daughter,paris gave her part of speech,
during her late father's memorial service on national television,just now.
it pains me & i'm sure everyone who tuned in would feel the pain,hurt & grieve.
if not,i'm sorry you're so heartless. but it really does pain me to see.
and it makes me cry throughout the whole entire event after it started.
usher cried. everyone who gave a speech almost cried. i cried,too.
but,king of pop,you will live on in our hearts,forever. we love you,MJ.

But some emotions don't make a lot of noise.
It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint like a heart beat
And pure love, why some days it's so quiet,
you don't even know it's there.

like a diamond.

2009-07-07T11:39:00.005+08:00

Everybody screws up. It's what you do with the screw ups,

it's how you handle the experience.
That's what you should judge yourself by.

it's tuesday,it's supposed to be my working day & i'm down with fever. ):
my workplace has now very strict issues,meaning if you're SICK,DON'T COME!
haaaaaarrrr deeeee haarrrr ah! so,i don't come & spread disease loh.. heh!
the doctor was so persistent,keep asking me whether i traveled & so on forth.
have you been to any H1N1 affected countries? or in singapore? -____-
WHAT? singapore now has ang mo kio,pasir ris affected areas or WHAT?
SUMPAH TAK KELAKAR EH DOC!

i am here,listening to MJ's,"you're not alone." so sad. very sad. ))):
feeling2 blues & sentimental since i'm sick. hehehehe. no connection!
but the boy is now at work,not here. if not,he would pamper me!!!!
i know! i am so goddamn pampered like that. hehehehe. cannot help it.
sigh sigh sigh. i hate medicines. i hate it,really.

life's not a race,
live a little slower stop and hear the music,
before the song is over.

dear madee,seee? i'm sick because of you lahhh! hahahaha. joking,baby!
i miss you & i miss you,really. ): i know it's just yesterday,buttttt..... =/
i need you here in times of me,here,feeling sick. but you're working.
but it's okay.. i know you're checking up on me,every few seconds & minutes!
only to make sure,i eat my medicine & have proper rest. blueeks! =p
even though you're busy catching criminals & budak2 YP,hahahaha.
you do still have time to call your princess. (:

it's now,7 more days to our 3rd. i have no moolahs left to do anything special.
actually,we have planned to celebrate our 3rd at somewhere fancy & overnight.
but,due to the plan backfired,we will have a simple & a belated celebration..
because,this month,our schedule seems to clash.... sheeeeeshhhhh!
nah nah nah. we will have that celebration,be it belated or whatever!!

maybe some friendships aren’t meant to be saved.
maybe we’re meant to spend a certain part of our lives,
with certain people and then move on.

always has been.

2009-07-06T21:52:00.003+08:00

We were given two hands to hold, two legs to walk,
two eyes to see, two ears to listen,but why only one heart?
Because the other one,was given to someone for us to find.

blogger is still being such a bitch,what's new? grrrr. i feel like kicking it!
sigh. luckily,there's photobucket here which eventually saved me...
i hate seeing my blog without pictures,plain and very plain. sheesh.
aniways,enough complaining & whining about blogger,sucha waste of time!

i wonder when will blogger stop being such an ass & just be normal back?
it's making my life difficult and also,making it more fussier & lots more tedious.
that means,there's no me with uploading a bunch of pictures & whatnots,again.
sigh. sigh. SIGH!

until you value yourself, you won't value your time.
until you value your time, you will not do anything with it.

today,was just quality time with the boy watching dvds,munching,reading..
he has become much as a bookworm as yours truly,but he has his own taste!
he LOVES graphic novels,any kind of it & has a collection thanks to,yours truly!
he just almost finished reading pride & prejudice & zombies.. HAHAHAHA!
who would have thought that my boy is classic at heart? *laugh out loud.*
and he would read any kind,except fictions or chick flicks that is. =p

i just finished reading a novel just now,and onto the next one already! heh.
my bookshelf,has SOS me by trying to picture an almost worn out one.
it can tumble down anytime now,and i am really,really afraid. hahahahaha!
not because it would tumbled down on me,but afraid of damaging my BOOKS!
i need to buy a proper bookshelf at ikea, but no moolahs left... hee haww!

dear madee,thank you for a simple yet tender loving care day by you...
you know i simply loved simple,non fuss days,free of arguments with you. (:
it always will fall into place,i know. because we know it always does,has it?
and talking about the future with you,has always been simply delightful.
8 more days to 3 years & i still find myself deep in love with you. truly.
i love to reminisce those 3 years we had together,those good old days..
how you tried to win over me,how you "proposed" me to be your gf.
i still remember. always will. i love you,very much,babe.

life, is like a song. we know it's gotta end sometime or another,
but does that give us reason not to listen?

sighness.

2009-07-05T22:51:00.003+08:00

"I'm glad we had the times together just to laugh and sing a song,
seems like we just got started and then before you know it,
the times we had together were gone."

sigh,really sigh. i don't know what the hell is wrong with blogger?
i really,really wish it would just stop being so stupid & stop bugging me,
with it problems of uploading shits & whatever it is lah. god,please!!!!!!!!
it's been 3 days since i last tried to upload pictures,& boom.. none!!!
and,yes. i have tried using photobucket,still. ARGGHHHHHHHHH!
i ran out of patience,literally.

work today was slow,only at the end of the day & the rest,tiring like hell.
the sales today was acceptable,not so good though. recession hit everyone?
there's so much to think about when it comes to work,sometimes i get crazy!
sometimes,all i get was BLANK. and my mind just blanked out on me.
work,work,work,work! what to do? work,for a living. SIGH LAH!

The very things that held you down are going to carry you up.

tomorrow,is my off day and finally,i am getting some rest. FINALLY!
i complain too much eh? lol. what to do? it's human nature,right? hehehehe.
i'm getting bored of my LG KT610 already,how?!!!!!!! sheeeeshhhhnessss.
i want a blackberry curve,so bad but it would only be in my dreams,for now.
well maybe,a nokia E63 or nokia E71 would be great too! heh. *hint-hint*
lol. i should be knocked in the head lah! keep keep changing phones!

well,that has been since i was like,WHAT? since i was a teenager loh..
from nokia 3310,to nokia 2210,to many many many other phones.. heh!
and it's stuck to being a habit,till now. a bad habit,at that. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
but i'll promise if i ever got a blackberry,i won't change2 anymore!
yeah right,so much for it.... easier said than done eh?

i believe in pink. i believe laughing is the best calorie burner.
i believe in kissing, kissing a lot. i believe in being strong when
everything seems to be going wrong. i believe that happy girls are the prettiest.
i believe that tomorrow's another day and i believe in miracles.

man in the mirror.

2009-06-30T10:49:00.004+08:00

blogger is being such a bitch,i wonder why????
it doesn't allows me to upload any kinds of photos,be it anything at all.
GOD! what is wrong with you,blogger? trying to add fuel in the fire???!!
I AM IN PMS MODE & YOU'RE FUCKING MESSING WITH ME!!!!!!!!!
god. i hate blogger. i goddamn hate you. no,loathe you,more like it.

why? of all the times???? it decided to trigger with my fucking mood,now?
why must you be like this in times of me not feeling good? not feeling well?
YES,GODDAMN IT! MS RED IS HERE AGAIN! HALLELUJAH!
do not make me shake you up & down,right & left! sheeeesshhhhhhhhhh!
i really really do not want to blow up or have any kind of feeling now!
because right now,i am goddamn feeling-less. no feelings at all!!!!!!

sigh. i am trying to breath right now,just breathe. god.

foolish in love.

2009-06-21T11:32:00.003+08:00

I think everyone has a side where they are depressed & unhappy.
Some people ignore it. Some people try to change it.
Some people completely show it & some people, they deal with it.

it's sunday already eh? well,it's back to reality tomorrow! GAH!
i'm really,really dreading it. sigh. back to reality & more topsy turvy!
yes people,if you haven't known,yours truly is back to work tomorrow!
it's been almost like 2 weeks,she hadn't step foot in great world city..
& it's like heaven!! heaven,you know? but it only last for a week & a half. ):

tomorrow,i'm back to being a busy bee like a busy business woman! sheesh.
there's lots of work to be done,i assume. there's ALWAYS work to be done.
i have yet to be updated with the news flash of work,promotions and etc.
so,my guess is,tomorrow,i am being bombarded with lots of things!!!
but,i am being positive after a week & a half of taking a break... POSITIVE!

There's a line drawn between,
the beginning and the end of anything;
and somehow we find hope every time we cross that line.

the boy is back to work,and somehow i missed the times we had.
the 1 whole week of being together,just me & him,day and night. ):
& yesterday,was our last day of freedom together,our last day of victory.
somehow,it lead to us,talking about our future together. i loved future talks.
as much as it scares me,as much as i won't know what's happening later & then,
all i know is that i still wanna be with you,spend the rest of my life with you.
forever is impossible & maybe,never will exist. but with you,that's what i feel.

to now,we are still building this relationship,molding it to be better,not perfect.
no relationships is ever perfect,there's never such thing as a perfect relationship.
but,it's how we mold & build it to be better & try,to make it perfect.
relationships are tough but that doesn't mean that we have to give up on it.
giving up means that we never really treasure it in the first place.
that's what i have learnt,that's what i am still learning,still trying.
i love you,babe. i really do,and all i want is the rest of my life with you..

We spent most of our time talking about nothing,
but I just want to let you know that all of those nothings,
have meant so much more to me than so many somethings.

series of images.

2009-06-19T19:06:00.002+08:00

"There's a big fucking world out there.
It's messy, and it's chaotic, and it's never,
it's never ever the thing you'd expect.
It's okay to be scared, but you can't allow your fears to turn you into an asshole.
Not when it comes to the people who love you, the people who need you."

it's thank god it's friday,yes. for once,i am not looking forward to weekends!
because,the leave will come to an end on monday..... geeeee. )):
and so much i want to have fun,stay at home & just laze around,there's work.
it's back to reality,yes. i hope these few days have cleared my mind abit.

can you imagine being with someone you love for almost 48 hours? heeee.
i love love love the fact that he's by my side,& that we both have nothing to worry!
these few days have been splendid,i love it... i totally love. ((:
the boy has been such a sweetheart,he's catering to all my demands too.
and i'm very sad that this is ending,already.. tomorrow,our last day together..
not together as in together but together in a sense like this,with no disturbance!

just say what you mean and mean what you say.
don't expect someone to read your mind,
and don't play games with heads or hearts.
Don't tell half truths and expect trust when the full trust comes out.
Half truths are no better than lies.
Don't be cold to someone you care about,
indifference hurts more than angry words.

tomorrow,is my abang sedare's engagement! gaah,i hate this formal thing..
so much for,"when is yours?" lalalalala. i dread replying to it,everytime..
if they want me to get married fast,have kids & be a housewife,please please,
be prepare to donate me half a billion dollars kay? tsssk. *rolls eyes*
please lah!!! marriage isn't that easy kay? it takes a lot,plus a lot of money!!!
SIAO AH WANNA MARRY SO FAST?!!!!!!!! wait ah 4 years,mininum. =p

Cute guys are amazing.
Not the super sexy guys, who are too shallow even for themselves.
But the ones who are sort of clumsy, and dorky at times.
Who are always sorta sweet.They are the ones worth keeping.
which i think,the boy just falls into this category. just cute,for me. (:

There are a lot of people in the world.
No one ever sees everything exactly the same way you do;
it just doesn't happen.
So when you find one person who gets a couple of things,
especially if they're the important ones, you might as well hold onto them.

kisses and rain.

2009-06-18T17:57:00.008+08:00

Believe nothing because it is written in books.
Believe nothing because the wise men say it is so.
Believe nothing because it is a religious doctrine.
Believe it only because you yourself believe it to be true.

it's thursday and tomorrow,is thank god is friday,yesss!!! heh. (:
i have been having a hell of a time this few days of my leave...
and there's nothing stopping me ever,to have fun & be happy!!!
because,it has always been work,work & work. god,the agony of it.
but,i have 3 more days still before i'm back to reality.

today,was just quality time with the boy at home. just simple.
the boy and i have been having a hell of a time,be it together or with friends.
and for him,it's 2 more days back to reality also.. hehehehehehe.
it's been fun,we have been having fun till our pockets run dry. HAHA!

Sometimes i wonder if anything's absolute anymore.
Is there still right and wrong?Good and bad?
Truth and lies?Or is everything negotiable,
left to interpretation, grey.
Sometimes we're forced to bend the truth,
transform it,cause we're faced with things
that are not of our own making.
And sometimes things simply catch up to us.

and so,yesterday..........

we,the boys and i plus my favorite girl went sentosa-ing!!!! hehehehehe.
even if it was 5 of us,even with shahrul stranded at brani & incomplete,
hell do we made it happened! we swam,we had fun,we laughed.. it was enough.
plus,even if it was 1 or 2 of them,nothing could go wrong with them around..
and that above,are just a few of my favorite pictures & the rest,
of which you can find at yours truly facebook!! it's so tiring to upload.. HEH!

i love the sand,sun & sea though i know,i hate the scorching hot sun!
but,the feeling of getting into the waters was like goddamn unexplainable!
it's been a while since i went swimming and god,do i truly love it.. HEHEHE!
if only,there was clear blue waters like perth,australia,phuket,bali.. sigh.
next destination ah,get that in mind! hehehehehe. =p

Happiness doesn't come cheap.
Hell, if it did we would all be smiling.

the choice.

2009-06-16T14:44:00.003+08:00

A person’s pursuit of goodness leads to greatness,
but the pursuit of greatness leads to ruin.
Pursue goodness and you will achieve great things.

it's tuesday,16th. it means 10 more days to happiness. HAAAA!
happiness,my foot ah. it means that i have to pay all the overdue bills!
sigh. i hate thinking about bills,money & mostly money. i loathe it.
but aniways,i still have many more days before i get back to work!
so far,so good. no thinking of work. *sigh* that's like heaven. (:

i will make the most time of my leaves a good one. hehehehehehe.
& as far as i can see,it's been doing good. i have been exercising! ehem.
not so much aggressive or intense ones,but pilates & skipping,mostly.
at least,i did right? rather than me lazing around & eat,like always.. =p

You know what?! Tregedies happen.
What are you gonna do? Give up? Quit? No.
I realize now that when your heart breaks you got to,
fight like hell to make sure you`re still alive.
Cause you are. and that pain you feel, its life.
The confusion and fear,that's there to remind you that somewhere,
out there is something better and that something is worth fighting for.

so yesterday,the boy and i...

we went to catch this,LAND OF THE LOST! hahahahahaha. (:
i give it,5/5 popcorn stars! it's bloody hilarious,at some parts.
stupid,corny & very entertaining. the boy & i couldn't stop laughing.
& till,at some parts,i laughed very,very hard... really! ROFL.
it's worth your moolahs,worth your time and sitting through watching it.
if you're a fan of comedies & stupid things,then you should go for it!

and maybe today,i intend to watch ghost of girlfriend past!! heh.
i know right? but the boy,insisted that we don't as he don't want to..
well,he actually don't want to waste his money loh... BLUEKKS!
hahahaha. but we'll see hor? or i'll literally drag him to lot 1,
and act that i just want to go window-shopping and just drag him,
to the goddamn movies eh? bad,bad girlfriend!!!!! HEHEHEHE!

Dalmatians are born with spots, they don't earn them.
Leopards are born with spots, & can't change them.
We as people, have to earn our spots in life,
and change them to be the best possible person we can be.

we have our moments,don't we?

2009-06-15T13:18:00.002+08:00

"There's something to be said about a glass half full,
about knowing when to say when.
I think it's more of a floating line, a barometer of need.
Of desire. It's entirely up to the individual, and it depends what's being poured.
Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times there's no such thing as enough,
the glass is bottomless... all we want is more."

sometimes,i really wish it was skin deep. but no,right? it's what outside,still.
today,when i look myself into the mirror,i see an unbeautiful girl in it.
what with the cellulite's,geees. the face and everything that matters to me..
i somehow,feel inferior. i felt small compared to any other human beings.
& i felt,i am of no use. i am not beautiful. not sexy & surely,not gorgeous.
sighhhhh. why,of all days?

but despite me complaining,i have did my pilates & a fair share of dieting.
i should stop on my junk food & my outrageous chicken intakes. i should!
well,not say stopped. but,cut down on it. at least,eat it for once a week...
and more raw vegetables & fruits. EEEK! i know,i can do it.. HAHAHA.
the boy has at least,advice me on this for a couple of months,
and i simply don't listen,AT ALL! i should be grateful right? yeah,right.

"Pain. You just have to ride it out.
You can only hope it goes away on its own,
hope the wound that caused it heals.
There are no solutions, no easy answers,
you just breath deep and wait for it to subside."

and i think i am literally going insane on phones & other things! haha.
i have now,3 phones actually. LG KS360 which is used by sister,
LG KT610,which is used by yours truly,a phone just like blair's in GG! (:
and a MOTORAZR,just like how serena used in GG! hahahahahaha!!
plus,a quest to save up money & buy either,blackberry bold or E63.
the boy was like,"WHAT THE ****?!" he asked me why i need so much phone!
it simply because,i am fickle minded like that & don't know which to use! =p

plus,i have to really save up for the upcoming months,i have to cut down.
cutting down meaning,lesser clothes,lesser bags & shoes & everything that goes!
sigh. it feels like shit having to live paycheck after paycheck,you get what i mean?
but you know,there's no free lunch in this world. no,goddamn it. there isn't!

"I wish there were a rulebook for intimacy.
Some kind of guide to tell you when you've crossed the line.
It would be nice if you could see it coming,
and I don't know how you fit it on a map.
You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can.
As for rules, maybe there are none.
Maybe the rules of intimacy are something we have to define for ourselves."

and then,it's 35th.

2009-06-14T15:43:00.004+08:00

"After careful consideration and many sleepless nights,
here’s what I've decided.
There's no such thing as a grown-up.
We move out, we move away from our families.
But the basic insecurities, the fears and all the old wounds just grow up with us.
Just when you think life has forced you to truly become an adult,
your mother says something like that.
We get bigger, taller, older.
But, for the most part, we're still a bunch of kids,
running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in."

happy 35th,babe. you are still the best,in my heart.
it's the month today,left before our 3rd year together,next month..
throughout these almost 3 years together,i have learnt a lot about us.
through our ups & downs,our utmost outrageous fights that we had,
to our most loving,almost embarrassing moments,we had it all.
and till this day,my heart is still beating for you.
thank you,babe. thank you for loving me all this while. i love you.

it's been a hell of a roller coaster ride,but i know that we'll make it through.
i'm praying & hoping that our relationship will always be blessed...
& that,we'll have what we both will have in 5 years time,insyallah.
just so you know,babe,i will always be here for you,no matter what.
and i will never stop loving you.

"I've heard that it’s possible to grow up,
I've just never met anyone who’s actually done it.
Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves.
We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way.
We whisper secrets with our best friend, in the dark.
We look for comfort where we can find it.
And we hope against all logic, against all experience,
like children, we never give up hope."

well,i'll be back with pictures i hope? it has been a while eh? lol.
i realized that the boy & i haven't been taking proper pictures together..
& that i,have neglect photography due to working my hell off.
and i would wanna be pimple free,please! goddamn it,i hate pimples.
no,i have not much pimples nowadays,lol! but,black heads!!!!!!!!!
i NEED to go for a facial just for removing black heads,soon! (:

"How do you know how much is too much? Too much too soon.
Too much information. Too much fun.
Too much love, or too much to ask of someone?
When is it all just too much for us to bear?"

weird dreams,much?

2009-06-13T17:20:00.003+08:00

"Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life.
The funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking,
the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.”

isn't it true? the quote above? i really believed it is that way.
oh wells,just look at me & how i always got stuck with communicating..
it gets harder when you try,it gets really harder when you don't succeed.
and it will get to the hardest part when you tried & failed & then,you gave up.
that's life,for you. without communication,nothing can ever succeed.

well,how are you & the world doing? i hope good,despite anything..
i know,i have been neglecting this dearest humble blog of mine,but no more.
today,yours truly have start her really long leave which she really needed...
and i will,hopefully,update as often as you can see me & then,get bored!
hehehehehehe. because,i have many plans this coming long leave. (:

"So go ahead. Argue with the ref, change the rules.
Cheat a little, take a break and tend to your wounds.
But play. Play. Play hard, play fast... play loose and free.
Play as if there were no tomorrow.
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game... right?"

i tried looking & all i got was stumbling upon an old skin i REALLY loved.
& thus,that explains the reusing of this skin that i loved. hehehe. =p
and tomorrow,is just 1 month before our 3rd. god,how time flies. gee.
it's scary isn't it? how time seems to just pass by,pass & keep on passing. ):
but no matter how,we would have to accept the fact that is life.

i need to do some catching up with a lot of people! & by a lot,i mean ALL.
everyone that i haven't seen for quite the longest time. sigh,sigh!
especially,dear bestfriend before she comes & kill me! hehehehehehehe.
plus,bestie too. well,at least now,she's in perth. so,i'm safe. LOL!
speaking of which,*sigh* i really,really love this cool weather,now.
at least,for this few hours. just when i say it,it stop raining. right.

"In general, lines are there for a reason. For security, for clarity.
If you choose to cross the line, you pretty much do so at your own risk.
So why is it that the bigger the line, the greater the temptation to cross it?
We cant help ourselves. When we see a line we want to cross it.
Maybe it’s the thrill of the unfamiliar, a sort of personal dare.
The only problem is once that you’ve crossed, it’s almost impossible to go back.
But, if you do manage to make it back across the line, you find safety in numbers."

life's like that.

2009-06-09T23:09:00.003+08:00

"We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crack there.
Doing damage to ourselves, to other people.
The problem is trying to control the damage we've done,
or that's been done to us.
Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise.
Sometimes we think we can fix the damage."

hello world. i know,i realized the date,the time & the last time i updated.
thanks eh shanny sayang ku for making me realize! HAHAHAHAHAHA.
well,here i am now. i'm sorry i haven't been updating and all.
work's been hell,as usual. what more with the gss season here? sigh.
i hate this sale period. i am bloody broke & i don't have money.
no money equals to no shopping,at all. SIGH.

so,if you wanna ask how have i been? i have been never better,i think?
life has been serving me well,i have surprisingly,been doing okay...
and my answer will be,of course i am good. i hope i will be. heh.
despite the ning nong & all,i will be okay. i will be. i have to. (:
after thursday & friday,i will be on a very long break. yay!

"A wise man once said you can have anything in life,
if you will sacrifice everything else for it.
What he meant is nothing comes without a price.
So before you go into battle,
you better decide how much you're willing to lose."

i haven't been updating much,actually. except for tweeting. hehehe.
you will see me twit & twit till no thought will come across my mind. (:
so if you want simple short updates from yours truly,follow me on twitter.
if not,just visit this humble yet simple blog of mine when i update. lol.

i got some updated pictures on facebook which,i'm lazy to upload here.
so,feel free to look & kepo2 comment on them lah hor? hehehehehe.
i am now,fat,yes. do not comment to which i have already known! =p
tsssk. i need to do some exercising,pronto! sigh. pilates would be good.
my long long break,i shall. i will & i shall. i promise to myself!

Too often, going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right,
and letting someone in means abandoning the walls,
you've spent a lifetime building.
Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't see coming,
when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick ,
a side or to measure the potential loss.
When that happens, when the battle chooses us,
and not the other way around,
that's when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear.

never ever changing.

2009-06-01T13:57:00.003+08:00

"At some point, you have to make a decision.
Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in.
Life is messy, that's how we're made.
So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them.
But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.
Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance,
the view from the other side... is spectacular."

happy june,all. yes,like it or not.. it's already JUNE!! june,yes.
but ANIWAYS,i am going to welcome this june with grace.. (:
dear june,please be good to me and everyone around me.
and dearest may,you have served me well.. thank you,dear may.
june,do your job kid. i know you will do me proud,i hope.

today,was almost spend me,in front of the computer with chunks of memories.
and i mean with lots & lots of old memories keep swinging by,
each & every time i look at the photos & all,it keep coming to me.
how much i missed the old times,only god will know. it's the best time.
the secondary times,the pizzahut times.. and everything that goes.
god,if i could really turn back the time. sigh. =/

"Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass.
And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim.
The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon.
We can only lie to ourselves for so long.
We are tired, we are scared, and denying it doesn't change the truth.
Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world,
head on, guns blazing... Denial. It's not just a river in Egypt.
It's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?"

and and and, i miss this boy already! sigh. yesterday,he didn't meet me. ):
yes,i know. i am pampered like that! hehehehe. but really,i miss him.
he is now at work,doing nothing but just lepak & laughing. bloody hell.
i have now,exactly 8 more hours before i get to meet him. SO LONG!
or maybe,to let time pass by me faster,i'll read a couple of books.
no,maybe i should sleep. hehehehehe. sleep only ah efff!!!!! =p
happy june,all.

"So what makes anger different from the six other deadly sins?
It's pretty simple really. You give in to a sin like envy or pride,
and you only hurt yourself.
Try lust or coveting and you'll only hurt yourself and one or two others.
But anger is the worst... the mother of all sins...
Not only can anger drive you over the edge, when it does,
you can take an awful lot of people with you."

stagnant.

2009-05-31T22:54:00.002+08:00

"Responsibility. It really does suck.
Unfortunately,once you get past the age of braces and training bras,
responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided.
Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences.
And still adulthood has it perks. I mean the shoes,
the sex, the no parents anywhere telling you what to do.
That's, pretty damn good."

it's the last day of may,hurrah! sigh. see what i ALWAYS mean?
yes,you do,do you? time really,really flies.. and look where are we now?
and before we know it,we will be passing by july already.. double sigh.
nah. i know it's no use whining over the time when it will happen...
i know. that's why i'm using all the time i have now,with me. (:

work's was totally crazy,just now. not enough rest though it looks slow.
heh. well,keep running here & there and everywhere & GONE.
every minute doing recovery is totally wasted. 5 mins,it's back to MESSY!
then,i think i gave up. HAHAHAHAHA. totally.... SERIOUSLY!

"Intimacy is a four syllable word for:
Here is my heart and soul, please grind into hamburger, and enjoy.
It's both desired, and feared. Difficult to live with,
and impossible to live without.
Intimacy also comes attached to the three R's...
relatives, romance, and roommates. There are some things you can't escape.
And other things you just don't want to know."

today,after this... i would already want to drop dead to wonderland.
i really couldn't take it anymore,the pain,the tiredness. LE SIGH AH!
this week,at EXPO for 2 freaking days to help out with the fair. SIGH!
and after that,the next week,straight days shift working without rest.
then again,comes the leave i applied! hehehehehe. so,come on eff!
you can do it,you will. you have to. =)

the boy can be an idiot but his sweetness always comes in the right time.
sometimes,only. hehehehehe. i love you babe. <3
goodnight dear world...

"Maybe we're not supposed to be happy.
Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy.
Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is.
Appreciating small victories.
Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human.
Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know.
And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know.
At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing,
is reason enough to celebrate."

too little,too late.

2009-05-26T14:17:00.002+08:00

"There's an old proverb that says you can't choose your family.
You take what fate hands you. And like them or not, love them or not,
understand them or not, you cope.
Then there's the school of thought that says,
the family you're born into is simply a starting point.
They feed you, clothe you,
and take care of you until you're ready to go out into the world.
There you find your own tribe."

it's finally,thank god for that,at least a cooling & breezy tuesday..
sigh. i hate the scorching hot sun that is shining upon us. ):
like i always whine & rave about,i would love to give new york,a visit!
but then again,that would always be a dream,i hopefully can achieve..
of course i can,isn't it? i can always save the money! HAAAAAA!

families,like i said are the most vital important thing in your life.
they are,no matter how imperfect,no matter what you're going through.
parents,for one,they always leave us to ourselves when we reach an age.
they think that when we have already grown up,we can take care of ourselve.
but,they are wrong. we still need protection,guidance & tender loving care..
and that my friends,is where they are always wrong.

"Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins?
It’s not on the calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not a new year.
It’s an event, big or small, something that changes us.
Ideally, that gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world,
a way of letting go of old habits, old memories.
What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning,
but it's also important to remember that, amid all the crap,
there are a few things worth holding on to."

today,the boy is back & he's sleeping soundly. he looks like a baby!
but then,after this.. he's going to leave to his big chalet party! =/
well,"single" lads out lah katekan. sheeeshh. menyampah aku! HAHA.
nothing gonna stop me today because i'm going out to,lot 1 aje!
me & the siblings are going to watch night at the museum 2! hehehehe.

this month,i'm going to watch my finances very,very carefully.
no spending me money like it grows on tree! crap,eff. you should stop.
money is crucial in this time of recession & you need to save. SAVE!
no more thinking of here,there & all your WANTS. REMEMBER!
save,think of your needs and the future days ahead of you,kay?!
well... easier said than done,huh? we'll see.. (: taaaaaa!

"At the end of the day, there are some things you just can't help but talk about.
Some things we just don't want to hear, and some things we say,
because we can't be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say.
They're what you do. Some things you say because you have no other choice.
Some things you keep to yourself. And not too often,
but every now and then, some things simply speak for themselves."

one that got away.

2009-05-25T19:11:00.003+08:00

"The thing people forget is how good it can feel,
when you finally set secrets free.
Whether good or bad, at least they're out in the open, like it or not.
And once your secrets are out in the open,
you don't have to hide behind them anymore.
The problem with secrets is even when,
you think you're in control, you're not."

it was a lovely monday,i guess? lovely wak lu ah eff. hahaha.
but seriously mr sun,stop yourself from burning us too much!
sheesh. i could get heat stroke,one day. sigh,sigh,sigh!
i really,really wish i could move to new york city. hehehe!
too much influence by gossip girl,i think? & speaking of which...

finally,i ended my episodes of gossip girl,last week. it's so sad! ):
the last episode makes me want it more & more & i couldn't wait!
FINALLY,CHUCK BASS YOU MOTHERCHUCKER!!!!! hahahaha.
what took you so long to tell blair you loved her? tsssssskk.
god. i hate the last season,i totally "hate" it when it makes me want more!
I SERIOUSLY CANNOT WAIT FOR SEASON 3 ALREADYY!!!!!!!!!!!

"But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely,
because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope,
that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true.
At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing.
It turns up when you don’t really expect it.
It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale,
is slightly different than your dream.
The castle, well it may not be a castle.
And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after,
just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon,
people will surprise you. And once in awhile,
people may even take your breath away."

i had a lazy,lazy day today because i am so tired. goddamn tired.
i cannot tahan & i asked for replacement off today. sigh. really.
& tomorrow,is another off day before another 3 days straight work.
and finally then,SATURDAY. off day and the DAY! THAT DAY!
hahahahahahahahahahahaha. *kening naik-naik*

the boy is on night shift today! then again,what's new eh?!
his smell is lingering. sigh. guess these days i'm very needy.
hehehe. i need him too much,i just want him by my side..
but then,it's not NEEDY right? it's call i need him. heh.
well,it sounds the same but the definition certainly isn't...
goodbye,world.

Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves.
We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons.
We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore,
until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant.
That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping.
And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake,
beats the hell out of never trying."

of decisions.

2009-05-21T17:37:00.002+08:00

Love is like a rose. It can be as beautiful as the petals.
Or it can be as dangerous as the thorns.
Watch how you handle it, always love it right,
and treat it well, and you should be fine.

it's thursday and my first off day before i start going ballistic! haha.
after today & tomorrow,my 6 days straight of working is already starting!!
imagine.. try imagining please!! 6 days of working full shift,10-9.30!!!
argh. i will & cannot imagine the agony of it,even! sigh. sigh. sigh.
what's more me working 2 days already cannot tahan.. aiyoooo!

and now,the boy has already went to work. night shift,ape lagi! -__-
plus,i'm trying to accumulate all my tiredness & rest well. HAHA!
what the hell? ANIWAYS,i ran out of words to talk.. tssssk!

Laugh a lot, so that when your older,
all the wrinkles will be in just the right places.

i'll be back,i hope? please wish me the best of health! HAHA!
well,i need all the wishes right? 6 days of agony & pain. DIE.
i just hope i won't be back looking like a haggard grandma loh!!
p.s: i love chuck bass forever. and edward cullen too. (:
goodbye,world.

Don’t spend your time looking for that perfect person.
The harder you look, the harder it gets.
Throw all that away and have fun with your life.
Don’t go looking for that something called love;;
it shows up in the most unexpected place,
at the most unexplainable times.
Just welcome it when it comes, and love it while you have it.
Enjoy your life, giving and getting the love from family and friends.
Live for the memories you build, the moment that takes your breathe away,
and a future full of adventures.

life's a mystery.

2009-05-18T13:14:00.003+08:00

"There are times when even the best of us have trouble with commitment,
and we may be surprised at the commitments,
we're willing to let slip out of our grasp.
Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments,
we're willing to make, true commitment, takes effort, and sacrifice.
Which is why sometimes, we have to learn the hard way,
to choose our commitments very carefully."

it's monday and indeed,a cool monday for me. thank god for that.. (:
i love the rain,i love the cool breeze that is dawning upon me now. heh.
sigh. if only it will be this cool weather every single day,perfect!
instead of the goddamn hot weather that is shining through us. )):
i wish i was in new york,which right now according to my ipod touch,
is at 12 degrees Celsius.... )): arghhh. i would pull a serena look. hehehe.
with the coat,the boots and those jeans. and scarf. dream on lah eh effff!

it seems like i had a lot of things to do but so little time. sigh.
like how facebook sometimes is driving me mad,mad,mad!!
i'm a facebook addict,so many applications,quizzes... so little time! ):
what with my pet society,mafia wars,sorority life... ugghhh.
and plus back to reality,the tons of books that i have left out.
sometimes when i read a book,it almost got to me till i left fb out.
but when i am on fb the whole day,it gets to me till i left my books out.
you get what i mean? sheeeeeshhhh!

"We are left with a choice. Either let the guilt throw you back into the behavior,
that got you into trouble in the first place,
or learn from the guilt and do your best to move on."

it's nearly the end of may! don't you think time is passing us fast?!
so little time to do this,people to meet.. friends to catch up with.
talking about friends,i miss the bestfriend. i miss the bestie. i miss the clans.
why does time always have to get in our way of life?!
if only time would slow down a little,just a tiny bit. =/

talking about time,i have to plan my time properly for the couple of months..
june,with lots of friends weddings & engagements stuffs. what with work..
plus,july is THE month!!!!!!! i am still contemplating on what to do.
so little time,so little money.. what the hell.
& AUGUST!! the little boy specially requested a birthday party for him..
& wants ALOHA CHALET WITH THE PERSONAL SWIMMING POOL,SOME MORE!
a BIG BEN 10 CAKE JUST FOR HIS BIRTHDAY!!! DIE. i confirm DIE.
a little kid with a big demands. sheeeesh.

well,whatever it is.. i hope that time would really slow down a bit.
but,that will never really gonna happen,right? i know righhtttt.
sigh. sigh. sigh. i shall go dive into my books now for an escape,
out of reality for a while.. goodbye,world.

"Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds.
All any of us can want, is more time. Time to stand up.
Time to grow up. Time to let go."